Life Goes On

Better than pot ... just
Wednesday, Nov. 16, 2005 - 3:24 a.m.
Will you look at the time people! This is what holidays are all about. Staying up as late as I like with no responsible-adult-voice saying "shouldn't you be studying?". Not caring about the washed clothes in the machine that haven't made it to the dryer yet. I don't need dry clothes because I'm staying in my pyjamas tomorrow! Oh dear how awful - there are papers on my desk. How will I ever find my study notes! I won't! Because I don't have to!

Yes, yes I know I'm gloating and I (half-heartedly) apologise to all you working people out there who do not have this luxury. But some of you will remember your Uni days and those that don't hopefully remember a time when you had holidays, even briefly, and if you've never had holidays then you're stupid because you're supposed to work to live not vice versa.

I feel high, drugged, pumped whereas in reality I've had probably five hours sleep in the last 24. If I had my exam tomorrow I would be snuggled in bed having fallen asleep at the keyboard like I did last night. This is probably a good starter mood to think about Wayne so I think I'll start a new entry and see how I go.

Viva la holidays! (well, for fourteen weeks anyway)

t.

Finally Fucking Finished!
Tuesday, Nov. 15, 2005 - 7:04 p.m.
I can't believe it .. my Uni year is over! At 4pm this afternoon I finished my last exam for the year and I now have FOURTEEN weeks off. I don't go back until late February. As expected, the desire to clean out the kitchen cupboards has evaporated as has the need to do anything energetic for at least, oh I don't know, at least until David finishes his semester! I can look forward to sleeping, watching TV and doing absolutely nothing.

I realised today about an hour before my exam that today is the anniversary of Wayne's suicide. It's not the day he died - he was in intensive care until the 18th. So do I ring his parents today, or his actual death day? It's hard to know what to say even when I do call. They have hardly talked about it since it happened - once his Father opened up to me when we were alone in the car but his Mother won't speak about him at all.

David hasn't mentioned it. We decided last year to spend each anniversary (18th) at Cold Rock - a positive experience rather than a negative one. There is no grave to visit; he was cremated and his ashes are at his parents house. I know I'm talking facts and figures, the easy stuff and I'm avoiding the emotional side but that's all I've got at the moment. I don't feel as though I can talk about the hard stuff without someone here to hold me while I cry. I didn't have it last year even though I had planned it and I don't have it this year. Just me and my blog and my monitor doesn't have a shoulder.

* deep breaths *

I'm going to start my holidays and I'm not going to cry. Yet.

t.

50 Things About Me - Revised
Monday, Nov. 14, 2005 - 8:04 a.m.
I just know that this update is going to turn into a whinge session about studying. Sleep at 4am, up at 9am to feed the child and the only thing I have to look forward to is weeks 6 - 12 of Advanced SQL. Once again Wayne's anniversary is sitting squarely in my conscience and I continue to push it sharply away unable to speak to it at the moment. The temptation to procrastinate bugs me constantly - "gee i should sort out the kitchen cupboards because things fall out" but I have resisted, knowing that after my exam the desire to sort it will fade immediately. *yawns* I just want to go back to bed and sleep until my Prince kisses me gently - HAA! Like that will ever happen.

I thought I might update my "50 Things About Me" list which I blogged about 18 months ago; changes shown.

1. I live in Australia.
2. I am a 32 34 year old female.
3. I was born in Africa.
4. I have a 10 11 year old son.
5. My son has autism.
6. My son's father committed suicide in November 2003.
7. I am studying my Bachelor Information Technology.
8. I have worked in IT for 13 years.
9. I have one brother, older, who I don't see very often.
10. My parents live about 150 kilometres away.
11. I feel as though that's it but really there must be more to me.
12. I have two very good friends.
13. I have about 8 good friends.
14. I have a large number of acquaintances.
15. I don't allow negative people in my life.
16. I try never to need people, only want them.
17. I have been single for 3 and a half 4 years, if you don't count the recent 8 week relationship.
18. This is by choice.
19. I have been offered two relationships in this time.
20. I don't believe in committing to a relationship that won't ultimately work out.
21. Throughout those 3+ years I have had fuck buddies.
22. I have been to a swingers party.
23. I don't think I would go to another one.
24. I have worked in paid employment since I was 15.
25. I currently have two jobs teaching computers.
25a. Now I work short term contracts until I finish my degree.
26. I stopped work a week before my son was born.
27. I went back to work when he was 8 weeks old.
28. I was once charged with assault.
29. The charges were later dropped.
30. Two Three years ago my son was kidnapped by his Father.
31. It was Easter Monday.
32. I did not get my son back for five weeks.
33. I thought I would die of heartache.
34. I hate Easter.
35. I don't go to church.
36. Items 34 and 35 are not related.
37. I am a pessimist.
38. I am usually content.
39. I hardly ever whinge.
40. I tell people when I'm angry with them. I don't think this is true anymore.
41. I am highly organised.
42. I think I'm a control freak.
43. I don't think I've ever been in love.
44. I have travelled to Europe.
45. I have been on three skiing holidays.
46. I don't think I will ever return to Africa.
47. I do not like London.
48. I enjoy reality TV.
49. I bought my first remote control TV about two months ago. 18 months ago.
50. I hate tolerate high maintenance people.

t.