Life Goes On

What Went Wrong

Monday, Nov. 04, 2005 - 02.52 pm

So the summary of all this I think is that I'm pissed about the fact that I have hard evidence that he has been two timing me. My line in the sand was that he was unfaithful to me. It's interesting because that has always been my line. I truly didn't expect it but with hindsight I realise that all the signs were there - The profile checks, not changing his profile to "long term relationship", the signing into yahoo as soon I went to put david to bed, the demand/request not to mention him in my blog, the fact that his favourite IRC room is "married and flirting".

It appears as though his relationship with Amanda started around 23 September which was one month after we started dating and about 5 weeks before we broke up. Well the hell didn't he just tell me? Why did he keep up the charade that he wanted more and why did he keep fucking me .. well I guess that one is easy to answer, because I'm good in bed. :)

I am relieved that it's over. I'm sad that it didn't work. I'm glad that I found out quickly, before he met my parents or my friends. Gut instinct told me not to introduce him to anyone and now I'm so glad I didn't. He constantly accused me of being unfaithful which is ridiculous because I gave up my fuck buddies six months before I met him and I've never been unfaithful in any relationship, ever. Once again, the guilty conscience theory is correct!

We did have some good times - him play-fighting with david, the tickle fights, the game parlour, the movies that we watched, the intelligent discussion about matters related to anything geeky. But we could have had that in a friendship? Why didn't he just tell me that he was committed to Amanda and we could have done all this and just left out the sex?

*shakes head*

What have I lost? A bit of face, a good geek friend, a good lover and some confidence.

What have I gained? The courage to venture into an emotional relationship in the future ďż˝ this time with someone that deserves me. The knowledge that my parents will be happy when I meet someone worthwhile. The reinforcement that Clare is my bestest and dearest friend! The lesson to listen to those alarm bells and warning signs and not to palm them off as paranoia, baggage or fear. One thing he did teach me was to occasionally look outside my bubble and push my boundaries. That's true in work situations and some personal encounters but sorry David having an affair doesn't count as acceptable behaviour "outside of the bubble".

One day David will realize what he threw away.

One day Amanda will realize that I am right and I'm not just some "psycho ex". I just hope it's BEFORE she gets on a plane to Australia. Amanda, I extend this to you - if you do get here, and if he does the same thing to you, email me or comment here and I will help you and baby E as much as I can.

Thankyou David for the lesson. Thankyou for being there for david. I wish you well in your life and I suggest you get honest and don't fuck it up with Amanda. I may have been controlling, angry, stubborn, difficult, opinionated ... but I was NEVER dishonest.

New Rules for Life

Friday, Nov. 11, 2005 - 11:06 p.m.

(From an email)

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

The study is calling but I just HAVE to update

Friday, Nov. 11, 2005 - 1:06 a.m.

My exam on Tuesday is Advanced Databases and the Unit Synopsis reads as follows:

"This unit provides a source for advanced knowledge of SQL, according to international standards, and its implementation in at least two major DBMSs. You will learn SQL: 2003 advanced Data Definition features, including user-defined data types; inherited tables; recursive views and triggers. In the area of Data Manipulation, you will learn advanced functions and expressions; advanced predicates; SQL routines; embedded SQL and SQLJ; and advanced transaction management. With Microsoft Access, you will learn about the theory and practice of OLE DB, ADO and VBA, including the contruction of Access Data Projects (ADPs) that allow Microsoft Access to used as front-end to Microsoft SQL Server."

Who in their right mind would take such a subject?! Oh. that explains a lot.

I'm supposed to know all this stuff already and if not I have to know it by Tuesday. And this is where the student's rationalisation kicks in: "If I'm currently sitting on 34% out of 40% already assessed, then I only need to get another 16% to pass the unit." Luckily we don't have the 40% rule on this subject (like most of our subjects) which says that you must achieve at least 40% of the mark for each piece of assessment otherwise your grade is reduced by one. By hey, I can rationalise that one as well - I can get another 3 because I only have one 3 so far and I'm allowed three 3's.

Or I could just study for it.

This is a bad time of the week for study though. David has every Friday off as part of his Individual Education Plan so I have him home for the next three days. The bonus is that I don't have to do the whole "get up early, lunch, dress, drop" thing but the downside is that I have him home all day. I am lucky in that he spends most of his time in his room on his computer but every so often I get the "I love you Mum" or "Can you come and see this?" or, the CLASSIC question I received from him today:

"Should I be programming in assembly or C++ Mum?"