Life Goes On

Fair Maiden Awaits

Saturday, Jul. 10, 2004 - 6:26 p.m.

Have had a great Saturday with T coming over last night and leaving late this afternoon. He is going interstate tomorrow night for work so I was glad to spend some time with him before he leaves.

These holidays are going far too quickly - University starts again a week on Monday and I have SO MUCH to do before then! :(

I can't think of any other distracting fillers in an attempt to avoid the topic that I really want to talk about so I guess I'll sign off and go and watch Lord of the Rings with David. Maybe after that I'll be able to spit it out and formulate a theory / justification / decision. Alternatively I might just dribble on without making any sense whatsoever and coming to no helpful conclusions. That would be something different.

I will just say that last night I revealed something that I have never told another living soul. Not my parents, not my best girlfriends, not even my therapy group. It scared the fuck out of me but I don't regret it. Life is so much easier when I keep myself locked away in a protective castle and only interact with people on a "my way or the highway" basis. It's a survival strategy that was working very well up until now thank you very much. So why the fuck would I change things? Why would I even peep my nose out of the portcullis when doing so exposes me to the danger of feeling and compromising and unfolding and revealing and sharing and feeling so scared that I want to scream? Who is this person that makes me feel as though I can do this? You know who you are.

t. * in need of a hug *

Past and Present

Friday, Jul. 09, 2004 - 6:36 p.m.

Bizarre email today received from the Chair of the Equity Committee at Uni. It was a forward of another email from a guy I dated in 1987! It said something along the lines of "I googled her ... wondered where she was ... please pass on my details and ask her to contact me." He was under the impression that I might not remember him. * shakes head * Women remember everyone in their lives!

So I contacted him with my non-Uni email address and very few details. It feels weird to hear a name from the past - it was 18 years ago! I feel old.

T is coming around tonight which I am looking forward to. He is going away for work on Sunday so it might be a while before we catch up again after this. It will be good to seem him again.

Remember This ...

Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004 - 7:25 p.m.

"Even if he's a one in a million, there's 6000 people exactly like him in the world." -- zeratum

Apocalypse Now

Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004 - 6:57 p.m.

VERY positive day!

The first great thing that happened was an email saying that I have been granted a Commonwealth Learning Scholarship by my University. It is worth $2,000 per year for up to 4 years of study!

The second good news was a phone call from my temp agency. Remember I told them I couldn't do the database worth $6,000 because of time issues? Well on Monday Kym (the consultant at the temp agency) emailed me and expressed her disgust and disappointment etc. She was obviously not happy that I didn't tell her sooner blah blah blah. I didn't reply back and figured that was it.

Answered a phonecall today and Kym was very interested to hear about my day and " ... how was david and what are you doing on your holidays and OH by the way Logan (the client) only wants YOU to do the database and they're prepared to wait until Christmas if necessary".

YES! I love the smell of napalm in the morning, it smells of victory.

50 Things About Me

Monday, Jul. 05, 2004 - 11:03 p.m.

1. I live in Australia.
2. I am a 32 year old female.
3. I was born in Africa.
4. I have a 10 year old son.
5. My son has autism.
6. My son's father committed suicide in November 2003.
7. I am studying my Bachelor Information Technology.
8. I have worked in IT for 13 years.
9. I have one brother, older, who I don't see very often.
10. My parents live about 150 kilometres away.
11. I feel as though that's it but really there must be more to me.
12. I have two very good friends.
13. I have about 8 good friends.
14. I have a large number of acquaintances.
15. I don't allow negative people in my life.
16. I try never to need people, only want them.
17. I have been single for 3 and a half years.
18. This is by choice.
19. I have been offered two relationships in this time.
20. I don't believe in committing to a relationship that won't ultimately work out.
21. Throughout those 3+ years I have had fuck buddies.
22. I have been to a swingers party.
23. I don't think I would go to another one.
24. I have worked in paid employment since I was 15.
25. I currently have two jobs teaching computers.
26. I stopped work a week before my son was born.
27. I went back to work when he was 8 weeks old.
28. I was once charged with assault.
29. The charges were later dropped.
30. Two years ago my son was kidnapped by his Father.
31. It was Easter Monday.
32. I did not get my son back for five weeks.
33. I thought I would die of heartache.
34. I hate Easter.
35. I don't go to church.
36. Items 34 and 35 are not related.
37. I am a pessimist.
38. I am usually content.
39. I hardly ever whinge.
40. I tell people when I'm angry with them.
41. I am highly organised.
42. I think I'm a control freak.
43. I don't think I've ever been in love.
44. I have travelled to Europe.
45. I have been on three skiing holidays.
46. I don't think I will ever return to Africa.
47. I do not like London.
48. I enjoy reality TV.
49. I bought my first remote control TV about two months ago.
50. I hate high maintenance people.

And so the juggling begins again ...

Sunday, Jul. 04, 2004 - 11:58 p.m.

I'm waiting for Class Allocations to become available at midnight. I need to allocate myself to certain prac classes so that I will only be at Uni on Wednesdays and Thursdays next semester.

I just turned down $6,000 worth of work! Madness I know. Problem is, I am already committed to working two jobs next semester plus three subjects plus dealing with David. If I was to take on this new database work I will probably end up failing everything. Rather succeed at a small amount than fail a whole heap!

I had a superb weekend with T. Even though it was only five days at the coast it seemed as though I was away for longer. David was at Paulette's today so T and I spent the day together ... sleeping, playing, exploring, pushing boundaries - the usual!

Ms-Do and I have had a huge misunderstanding! I'm hoping we can work it out tomorrow so I won't discuss the details until I've talked to her. * Sigh * I hate conflict in my life.

Back from Winter Holiday

Saturday, Jul. 03, 2004 - 5:49 p.m.

So I'm back from my holiday to the Sunshine Coast. I guess it was a worthwhile trip - David and his friend Corey had a great time and I relaxed a little.

Tuesday
We arrived at the three bedroom beach house that Mum and Dad had hired for two weeks. Dad took the boys for a swim at the beach and I told Mum what was happening with Uni etc.

Wednesday
Mum and I went into the local shopping centre and I bought a new mobile phone!

Thursday
Don't remember what I did this day ... probably just relaxed and spent time at the beach.

Friday
I climbed Mt Coolum in the morning! It is the second largest monolith after Ayers Rock. I have photos on my new phone which I will post when I've worked out how to get them off my phone.

In the afternoon we hired a motor boat and went up the Maroochydore River. The boys both steered the boat and learnt about water safety etc. I spent most of the time paranoid about my new phone, sealing it in a plastic bag and threatening to save it before the children if we capsized. Once again I have photos which I will post when I have them.

On the way home from the boats we dropped in to see a beach unit that Mum and Dad are thinking of hiring in November. It is a two bedroom, two bathroom townhouse with a front yard. At the top of the yard is a little path which goes straight to a deserted beach. There is also a verandah at the front with a view of the ocean. It is only AUD$80.00 per night (fully self contained) which I think is pretty reasonable. They usually take the three bedroom house we stayed in because it allows pets and they have a small dog but they will probably get the two bedroom place in Summer and put the dog in the kennels.

Last stop was a lookout point where everyone else was apparently watching whales in the water but I couldn't see anything and I refused to play 'Emperors New Clothes' and oohhh and ahhh over something that wasn't there.

Saturday (Today)
So we left this morning and I'm glad to get home. Heaps of washing to do, sand right through my car and no food in the fridge but it's still great to be back in my little house, my known suburb and have access to my precious internet!