"No I don't!" I replied.
David then said: "What is WITH your gender. Just take the compliment will you?"
t.
20. Government Organization
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Healthy Tan
1. Microsoft Works
You can find more examples of these contradictory words here.
t.
ABC's Australian Story tonight shows Phil Evans, a talented young Brisbane music student who was the victim of a home invasion where his fingers were chopped off. My Dad taught him in high school. I remember being shocked by this event when it happened. t.
*sigh*
t.
Got an email back from IBM to say that I was unsuccessful for their graduate program. Full circle not yet ready to close I guess. After attending the Careers Fair on Monday I'm over the graduate program idea and will instead seek fultime IT positions requiring experience. Even then I'll wait until after June because anything could happen before then, including the possibility of this money coming through, so in the words of Virginia Woolf I think I will just "arrange whatever pieces come (my) way".
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I was still curious where he got the money from and so he explained it to me. "You see Mum" he said "I choose to spend my lunch hour sitting in the shade with my friends talking about computers, anime and stuff like that". He went on to explain that other kids like to run around playing soccer or football, but they always forget their hats. Queensland schools are very strict about kids having hats when they're playing outside, so David RENTS out his hat to people! He said to me "I could make $2 a lunch hour, but I give it to them for cheaper 'cause I'm a softie".
t.
We lost internet for about 45 minutes yesterday. David reset the modem a couple a times in vague hope whilst I rang the ISP and when those lines were congested I rightly assumed it wasn't at our end.
My little internet addict sat on the couch, close to tears and said in a small voice "Why does God hate me?"
I laughed, and said "No He doesn't!"
To which David replied: "First my Father dies, now this!"
:)
t.
Rosy, posing thoughtfully in the mirror, says to Nina, "I think I'm going to see a dietician."
Nina asked, "Why?"
Rosy answered, "'Cause I need to know once and for all, how many calories are in sperm."
Nina replied, "I really have no clue, but if you're swallowing that much of it, no guy is going to care if you're a little chunky."
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I did make my 10am Oracle practical and learnt something which is always nice. Then it was off to the Careers Fair with my new business cards which arrived over the weekend. Yippee! They look fantastic.
At the Careers Fair i beelined to the 15 companies who had made my short list, informed them of how lucky they were to make the cut, managed to cross a further 6 off my list - one based purely on the rudeness of the lady at the stall - and picked up some great little presents/showbags/etc.
At two of the stalls I managed to speak to the owner/Director of the company because they were small businesses. I chatted to them both for a while, explaining that I wasn't really looking for a graduate position but something which would utilise my ten years experience in the industry. Both of them gave me their card and begged insisted strongly encouraged me to send them my resume personally! One of the sites in particular interested me - they have a system which collects data from trucks all over Australia every two seconds! - to which I placed my hand on my chest and said "Be still my beating heart".
If that wasn't enough excitement for one day, I get home to find a letter from the last superannuation death benefit. It was $56,000 when Wayne died. It is now $72,928.15 AND David has been allocated 70% of that. This will give his two stepbrothers about $11,000 each which I think is fair considering they are now adults. At the very least this money will go into trust for David until he turns 18. However, from the way it is worded (different from the previous one) there is a chance that the money could come to me to be held in trust for David which would be totally amazing and a real life changing amount.
Far too much excitement for one day.
t.
On Saturday I found a job being offered by a small company that I used to work for when I lived with Wayne. It it a husband-wife team who headhunted me from Harvey Norman to work as a part time database programmer. I gave them a call to see how they were. Vivienne especially was thrilled to hear from me - she immediately asked if I was still with Wayne. At the end of the conversation she said that I sounded like a completely different person and recounted some harsh memories of Wayne's treatment of me when I was working for them.
Today we went for a swim at Ainslie's place - VERY interesting day. For the sake of secret squirrel I can't elaborate but if it goes ahead then of course I'll let you know about it.
She is new to the addiction of blogs so I had to give her a shout out. ;)
On Wednesday I found out that an acquaintance is going into hospital soon for a full hysterectomy. This is traumatic in itself except that she is also a single mother of five and her elderley parents live on the Sunshine Coast and don't drive. This is where the support network comes in - everyone she has ever helped (and there are loads of them) are doing what they can to help her out.
Big Careers Fair tomorrow. I've been told some companies actually employ on-the-spot. I am picking up my business cards in the morning - YAY!
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Spent most of today going through a list of 97 companies that have graduate programs and who will be attending a Careers Fair at Uni on Monday. I needed to sort the "in Brisbane, seeking IT graduates" from those that aren't. I narrowed the list down to around 15 companies who I will approach on Monday.
Being offered (and choosing to take) a graduate position would mean less stress/accountability and expectations from the employer. It also means lower salary - average offered is AUD$45K p/a with pay rise after 12 months.
Regardless of (no) offers, I could try for a non-graduate position as a systems analyst - this would involve much responsibility/accountability and high expectations but average salary is AUD$65K.
No offers and no position means staying exactly where I am, with my cheese. If this happens then I'll work the welfare system to its maximum level and work exactly the right number of hours (part time) to get the maximum rates of pay legally. This will do until something presents itself.
My top preferences for graduate positions at the moment are:
IBM - I have already submitted my application for one specific graduate job there online. I remember years ago (David was four and we had just arrived in Brisbane) - I got an admin job in the city and from my window I could see the IBM building across the road. I remember gazing out the window thinking that IBM was the holy grail of IT jobs. Ironically it's not anymore - that would be Microsoft/Nintendo/Linux/Macintosh/your thing - but it was significant to me and if I ended up working there it would be, as Oprah calls it, a "full circle moment".
Australian Taxation Office - bit a stigma attached but great benefits and its the next suburb over from me. No parking in the city - yay!
There are another 13 on the list but nothing else REALLY makes the preferred list.
I also applied online for a job with Masterfoods. They make chocolate ... and other stuff. :)
10 weeks of lectures. 2 exams. As soon as I know what my exam dates are I'm gonna get one of those web counters that show how many days | hours | minutes are left until the event.
Not that I'm excited or anything.
t.
I didn't expect a result, having such an unusual name. However, it's based on a mathematical principle and, for me anyway, it is surprisingly accurate.
Your name of Tertia has created a practical, responsible, stable nature, and you desire to direct the efforts of others rather than to take order or ask permission. You have a determined, self-reliant, capable nature and resent any interference, although in your desire to help you are inclined to become involved in the lives and decisions of other people. You like to make your own decisions and to be the master of your domain. You feel a limitation in your own expression when it is necessary to reach another through tact and understanding.
Although the name Tertia creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses through worry, mental tension, and tension or accidents to the head.
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I've acknowledged that part of finishing my degree is moving house. I've started throwing stuff out, bagging clothes for charity, clearing out filing cabinets of 4 year old bills (still sorted chronologically). I'm eyeing off books and kitchen stuff, mentally dooming them to the charity bin. Every item in my house needs to be on it's best behaviour.
Where once I could talk about how many years of Uni I had completed, I can now say "10 WEEKS of classes and 2 exams left".
And then what? Well obviously I'll be expected to seek some form of employment because that's the 'done' thing. Can't live off welfare my whole life now can I? Just because I worked and paid taxes for the first 12 years of my adult life without collecting welfare doesn't mean I've earned the right to get some back. *rolls eyes*
I think it comes down to having no control. I want to know where I'll be living this time next year. I want to know who I will be working for, how much I will be paid and if I'll be appreciated there. I want to know that I'll have enough money to continue living debt free.
See the whole thing about debt is that DEBT = MOTHER. For the duration of my degree I have needed to remain in contact with my Mother so that she could help me financially. It's actually been a while (over a year) since she has helped me but that's because I get a scholarship now. I still live pay-2-pay so Mother is the backstop, the overdraft facility, that can be used for emergencies. One big motivator of getting my degree was providing me with financial independence from her. Theoretically this would allow me to choose my interaction with her based on factors other than money.
An increase in lifestyle (higher rent, car loan, mowing costs, cleaning costs, pay TV, etc) puts me at a higher risk of needing her financially. At least i know that where I am now, with none of the above, it would have to be hospitalisation or death before I had to ask her for money again.
Now where the hell is my cheese?
t.
It was last year's Oscar winning feature documentary "Born into Brothels" which follows the change in the lives of 8 children in Indian brothels after an American photographer teaches them how to use a camera.
It was absolutely fascinating! I want to buy the DVD and there is also a sequel which revisits the children three years later.
I won't try to explain how great it was because these reviewers have done a fine job.
t.
A friend (B) asked me about my violent marriage. The "domestic violence" description, the fact that I used a refuge to leave, the subsequent restraining orders all indicate a physically violent relationship. One would imagine that I was beaten and left bruised at least once a week, thrown against walls and into furniture whenever he was drunk.
The truth is that Wayne only physically hurt me about four times. Yes, four times too many I'm not for a moment suggesting this was okay. He had also served a jail term for violence so he was capable of it. There was one incident with a knife and some sexual assault but really in the big scheme of things it wasn't 'Ike and Tina' stuff.
I started trying to explain to B why my marriage was so abusive and it finally came to me. I was a moral refugee. I was refused the right to uphold my morality. I was forced into immoral situations by him because the consequence of not performing them was not something I could deal with. We deserted properties owing thousands in rent. We ran up shop accounts with small corner stores that we never paid. We spent our dole cheques on alcohol/drugs/cigarettes and then begged the neighbours for food. We lied to Centrelink about cash-in-the-hand work. We drove away from service stations without paying for fuel. I say "we" because although these things were NEVER my idea, I went along with them and did not express my disgust or refuse to do it.
I got paid a pittance to pose naked for a men's magazine just to get some quick bucks to blow at the casino. There are other things that I can't mention because the humiliation is too great. A couple of things were borderline illegal but mostly they just went against what I knew to be the right thing to do.
I am, by nature, a very moral person. I vote. I don't speed. I don't park in handicapped spaces. I am kind to old people. I go without cigarettes and chocolate to make sure the rent and loans are paid first. Debt scares me. The thought of owing anyone money makes me shudder.
My marriage was like living in a morality wasteland where I had no rights, no opinion, no due consideration, no respect, no decent common courtesy extended to me. I worked and made money and then I towed the line and followed the decisions set down by HRH. Everytime I did the wrong thing another small piece of my soul packed it's bags and deserted me, refusing to be a part of such pathetic and heinous choices.
Five years on and I am back in charge of my own choices. Some people don't agree with my choices, some people don't even know my choices but that doesn't matter because my decisions only affect David. No-one else has to aspire or contribute or be responsible for the moral choices I make.
Regardless of my future relationship opportunities I will never again allow someone to take away my right to lead a moral life.
t.
'Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth, but its usually too battered with rules to be heard. We cripple ourselves with lies. Most people have no idea what they're missing, our society places a supreme value on control, on hiding what you feel. It mocks primitive culture and prides itself on the supression of natural instincts and impulses.' ~ Jim Morrison
So back to the doctor today because the back pain has returned. It's not as bad as before but it stopped 24 hours after I finished the medication he gave me so that kinda proves (to the Doc anyway) that I do have a stomach ulcer. :( He is sending me for an endoscopy and has prescribed more of the magic tablets that worked last time. Waiting list for endoscopy is 6 weeks and sole parent price is $180! I'll be sedated for about five hours and I can't drive myself home plus it's at Logan (about 20 minutes drive) and quite honestly it's almost too much to bother trying to organise, let alone fund. At the moment it's in the 'too hard basket'. I'll try and think about it tomorrow.
In the meantime I am OFF cigarettes, caffeine, fats/oils, situps (been about 2 years since I attempted one so shouldn't be a problem), spicy food and I have to reduce my stress levels which are apparently high *shrug* I wouldn't be stressed if everyone saw things my way.
In good news, flu symptoms have gone! I've avoided it yet again. Thanks for your comments, emails etc. I'm sure they helped to ward it off.
t.
Up to the prac and I was the only one answering the questions! There was a female student behind me who kept asking me questions about finding SAP on the computer, logging in, etc. I had a feeling she was going to ask to work with me on the tute questions throughout the semester. I was considering it, although it was obvious it would have been a better deal for her (she was completely lost in the tute). Then she says to me "I finished all my double degree Physics units last semester ... wanted to finish with these fluffy IT subjects". WTF? Enjoy working these "fluffy" IT subjects on your own darlin' .. I have a group now and we're at maximum number. Work the physics out on that one!
t.
Had first practical for my Oracle unit today - sat next to a guy I haven't seen since first year - it was good to catch up. I fully acknowledge the presence and importance of our international students at Uni. I have found them to be fantastic group members, hard workers, fascinating to talk to socially. However, without Nick in that class I was destined to listen to everyone else have conversations between themselves in non-English languages. Even our tutor is Indian so I was feeling a little isolated.
I've sold three textbooks back to the Student Guild! They take them on consignment, and send you an email when it's sold, and the money gets B-Pay'ed into your account. Three out of the four books I've taken there have been sold before I got home to receive the email. I have been paid for one so far (last week) and the others were taken in and sold today so I will be getting a little money soon. (Like .. $82.00?). Thing about IT textbooks is that they become outdated so quickly. If I was studying something old, wise and traditional like theology or modern art or psychology then the books would be worth keeping because they are likely to help in the future. In IT, unless I'm writing my thesis on Moore's Law my textbooks become useless very quickly.
I am feeling better; seem to be holding the flu at bay by taking half a flu tablet at night, massive reduction in smoking and trying to get enough sleep. I feel better than I did yesterday so that is a good sign.
Have other news but need to sleep to (a) keep the flu away and (b) be bright and alert to do my assignment at 6am.
Quick HI to Steve *waves maniacally* ... thanks for your LOVELY email ... will respond soon. Not much gets done by me Sunday night to Tuesday afternoon as those are my 'attend uni and be studious' times.
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I just finished watching In Her Shoes with Toni Collette and Cameron Diaz. This poem was in it and I wanted to capture it.
The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster Then practice losing farther, losing faster: I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture Elizabeth Bishop |
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Looks like karma might be striking me down! Having improved on the back ache I now have a sore throat! I am one of those people who hardly ever gets sick (once every couple of years? Can't remember the last time I had the flu) but when I do I am wiped out for days. The problem with getting sick when you're a single mother with no family in Brisbane is that it can completely debilitate you and does not allow for basic household functioning such as cooking the child a meal or getting him to school. Even with a partner and no child it is possible to stay in bed, doona over head and just sleep it out while the other adult looks after themself and hopefully brings you chicken soup occasionally. At least if Mum lived in the same town she could come over with casserole (that she bought at the deli) and throw a load of washing on for me.
Good news is that it is early in the Uni semester - might miss a lecture or two but no assessment due so it could be worse.
Hopefully it's just a sore throat huh? I'll take a dose of Codral Cold and Flu before I go to bed and see how I feel in the morning. (Just checked with the chemist that I can take CC&F with the other stuff I got for the back pain).
whinge. whinge. whinge. Sorry 'bout that peeps.
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Then, this afternoon I received an email from his teacher saying "He has been a great help in finding some interactive sites for us for mapping. He has terrific computer skills." Apparently she received a powerpoint presentation showing all the countries in Europe. David spent a couple of hours on the computer and found/created/edited the same for every other continent, including capital cities. :)
I heard about this news report showing an aspergers boy in America who scored 20 points in a basketball game even though he has never played Varsity basketball before.
My son will be okay.
t.