Sunday, Sept. 04, 2005 - 9:10 p.m.
Big weekend and so much to say!
I want to tell you about my fresh new start in the relationship department and I want to rant about my annoying neighbour who has once again left me to clean up her mess. I'm also a little stunned about the whole Katrina thing but have nothing profound or new to say about it so maybe we'll leave that one out.
Relationship
So the news is, I have a boyfriend. :) Yes, me. Ms Single Forever who wished upon the moon and received exactly what she asked for. I'm still getting used to saying the word "boyfriend" - it doesn't roll off the tongue quite like 'fuck buddy' or 'casual sex partner' which are words I have used easily for the last four years. Even on the phone today I said to someone "I'm just dropping a friend home" - it didn't come naturally to use the term boyfriend. It's like when you move house and for the first couple of trips home from work you automatically take the old exit and drive the same route. I think it will take a while to adjust to the new wording but atm it seems to be worth the effort. :)
His name is David which becomes confusing now that there are two David's in my life. I think for the purposes of my blog I will refer to him as D because I have always written about son David using his full name.
So D messaged me from my MSN profile about 10 days ago. I don't have any personal profiles on match sites, just the profile that is attached to my MSN name. He emailed me from there and I responded - something I don't normally do but after wishing upon the moon I had a feeling I should reply. We met for the first time last Sunday, had a great day and then we saw each other this weekend.
It feels good, warm, scary, exciting, new, unfamiliar. My mind flip flops from "it isn't possible" to "it feels fine". I am determined not to repeat old mistakes yet still not allow my past to prevent me from venturing somewhere that seems good for me. As I said to D the other night, the scariest part for me is that the relationship with Wayne felt great in the beginning too! There was no neon sign that said "One way ticket to DV marriage and heartache" and that's why I'm so wary because good and bad relationships start out the same way. The question is ... is the success of a relationship determined before it starts? Or is it determined by how it progresses and the choices of each person?
Neighbour Cleanup
Once again I have allowed my neighbour Joanne to impact negatively on my life. Despite being >10 years older than me, she behaves
like a child and I constantly find myself in a position of cleanup when she fucks up. The one thing that irritates me beyond sanity is having my
ability to choose taken away from me. It happened recently with the tax department and happens in negative interactions with people. Yes, I do engage in activities that inconvenience me such as doing favours for friends but as long as I have a CHOICE I don't mind.
A positive example of this happens with Ms-Do all the time. We frequently help each other out by babysitting each others' children. She takes David every Monday night when I'm at Uni and I look after her two sometimes during the holidays. The important thing is that it's still a choice - I ask her every week, and she asks me - there is never an assumption and neither takes advantage. For me it's the ability to choose that's important. Well, Joanne frequently takes that right to choose away from me which has resulted in major inconvenience to myself, her daughter-in-law and her friend.
Railroaders who just live their lives without empathy or concept of consequence really need to grow into adults who are productive, worthwhile citizens. And I need to teach her how to treat me.
t.