Sunday, Dec. 19, 2004 - 12:35 a.m.
I just got home from a six hour shift at
Laserforce with David and some friends. They attended a 6pm to midnight lockdown session and managed to do about 10 games in that time.
There is no guarantee that my parenting style is right or that it will generate a healthy, happy adult. I do, however, see what I believe to be glaring mistakes in the choices other parents make.
Of course it's not fun to be stuck there, amidst noisy, stinky, excited kids for 6 hours. The chairs are hard, the coffee is expensive, the lingo is confusing yet I do it because I am building a bank of positive experiences that David can reflect on when he's going through teenage angst or has a child of his own. He has had many bad experiences in his life and I want to at least counteract that and maybe even somehow get him into the positives.
Others from David's school and social group were invited. In the end only three of them went. Some parents said they had better things to do on a Saturday night (which says a great deal about my empty life :) ). Another parent has the attitude that she is living her life as she pleases and her son is welcome to tag along if he wishes. He accompanies her to everything she wishes to do but is seldom asked his desired activity. She even pretended she didn't know about tonight even though myself and another parent spoke to her last week.
It's as if you either live FOR your kids, or WITH your kids. I live FOR David. He is the centre of my life and every decision I make is with consideration for the impact on him. It doesn't mean that I sacrifice everything for him - in the short term life would be easier for him if I wasn't studying for instance - but I at least assess the impact on him every time. I make as much effort as I can to give him positive memories of his childhood. I spend time with him when I can. I don't always succeed, but I at least want him to be able to say "I remember when my Mother ... " and end that sentence with a positive.
I know some Mothers who are determined to live their lives the way they want and the child tags along. They make it clear that their child is nothing more than an accessory, or worse, a burden, that must be endured until they are old enough and can be cut away.
Going to Laserforce tonight was an example of this. There were nearly 100 players there - about 20 of them under 13. There were about 5 parents sitting around drinking coffee and reading magazines. These to me are the real parents - who give up 6 hours of their weekend night plus $25 per child to stick a happy memory in their child's soul.
I'm pretty sure I won't regret my son's childhood.
t.
