Life Goes On

Smack the Pony

Saturday, Dec. 18, 2004 - 10:55 a.m.

I keep having the same dream. It involves being around a variety of people - maybe 6? - of different ages and types. All adults though. It's like we're 'hanging out' on the weekend and they're deciding what we're doing. They're all addicted to 'smack' - thats the name that keeps coming up. It's weird because I don't know anything about smack. I know its a drug but not whether it's speed based or anything! I don't know anyone who uses it. I haven't watched a movie about drugs recently.

So in the dream these decent looking, white collar 'friends' of mine move from social event to social event and between each we are in this lounge room where they plan their next smack hit. We never get to the part where they actually take it and in my head I know I'm going to refuse and tell them I don't do those type of drugs but it never eventuates. I've had this dream about 4 times in the last week. I wish I knew what it meant.

No more hiding behind my modem

Friday, Dec. 17, 2004 - 6:35 p.m.

So I have a webcam!! Borrowed it off ms-do this morning. I have installed the software on both machines and David is using it currently to talk to school friends.

Does that mean I have to brush my hair and apply make-up everytime I use it? You mean I can't slob around in my pj's with no bra on and unshaved legs pretending I'm a perfect barbie in a black negligee? Damn.

I'll give it a go tonight. Here's hoping I don't get addicted.

300 Love Letters

Friday, Dec. 17, 2004 - 12:47 a.m.

300 Love Letters

Okay okay I know this sounds really girly, but you should know by now that I'm not that type of girl - so give me the benefit of the doubt and realise that I'm posting this 'girly' thing because it is profound.

Try it. Don't be scared by the amount of the text on the Explanation page - by the second paragraph you'll be hooked.

It'll only get worse

Thursday, Dec. 16, 2004 - 9:55 p.m.

We were talking to the neighbours today. I said something embarrassing and David says: "She is not my Mother. She followed me home from the hospital."

Red Tape Chews Dollars

Wednesday, Dec. 15, 2004 - 10:55 p.m.

I received the letter from the Public Trust Office today to let me know they have received David's money from his Father's death benefit. I'm really irritated about it. They want me to identify costs that I will incur for his schooling in the next twelve months and then they will invest the rest. The $56,000+ is currently sitting in Common Account playing a measly 2.6% and will remain there until mid-January. It could be making so much more in a fixed term deposit! The other thing that bugs me is the fees! They are charging David $475 a year to "manage" the trust PLUS for every 5 transactions/claims I make, they charge an additional $375 in administration fees. That's ridiculous. The fund will be eaten up in fees and he will have nothing left by the time he's 18. They should just sign it over and let me spend and invest as I see fit - or perhaps provide me with a list of Financial Advisors that I can report to. I certainly won't be charging him fees to sign cheques. Fucking bureaucracy.

Tough Love

Wednesday, Dec. 15, 2004 - 10:43 p.m.

I'm feeling a little sorry for myself today. As much as I love my son it's exhausting looking after him 24/7. Most of my friends are having relief from their kids atm - either with their fathers, other family or in Vacation Care. David was kicked out of Vacation Care about 2 years ago so Christmas Holidays are tough. That's one of the reasons I go to my parents place - Mum does all the cooking and cleaning and Dad makes a huge effort to entertain David during the day. He takes him to the pool for hours on end and takes him up to the school where Dad teaches to play on the tennis court or muck around in the gym. David is so sweet - he asks me to go to all these places with him - no concept of how badly I need timeout. I guess that's good. I don't want him to ever realise how exhausting he is.

Thing is, he is great at entertaining himself most of the time. I don't hear "I'm bored" very often and with his autism he can easily get deeply involved in a computer or Nintendo game coming out of his room only for food. One thing that is really exhausting about him is his obsessive-compulsive habit of saying "I love you" and NEEDING me to say "I love you too". I can't say me too or likewise or that's good - none of these complete the cycle which he expects and needs. It's tough because it doesn't sound like a bad thing but once I counted him saying it FIFTEEN TIMES IN AN HOUR! That's every four minutes that my concentration is broken; that I am dragged mercilessly out of my mental timeout and back into his world.

Thanks Lyn

Sunday, Dec. 12, 2004 - 6:45 p.m.

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr Seuss