Life Goes On

* peeks out *

Sunday, Dec. 12, 2004 - 4:45 p.m.

Just got back from lunch at Lyn's place. Her baby Madison is growing so fast - 5 and a half months already. David was making faces at her, making her laugh. Lyn said "You can talk to her if you like". David looks Madison straight in the face and says "Nice weather we're having".

I was so tired this morning! Stayed up until 4am chatting online. Haven't done it for a while, and didn't mean to stay up that late but it's amazing how fast the time goes when you're chatting to someone interesting. I could barely get out of bed this morning and particularly with the heat I really should sleep when it's cool and chat during the day with the fans on.

Slightly less busy week ahead - only one meeting on Tuesday and the rest of the week free. Now that school holidays have started I wlll probably be obliged to spend at least a couple of days a week at our local pool.

ms-do and I were a little slack last week - only walked three times - so it's back to routine this week. I can feel the weight finding me already - must. hide.

Dates and Contortionism

Saturday, Dec. 11, 2004 - 9:33 p.m.

Today is the fourteen year anniversary of the day I met Wayne - 11 December 1990. Yesterday would have been our 9th Wedding Anniversary.

We went to the circus this afternoon. I thought it was great - funny, interesting, entertaining. It did occur to me though that our generation of children are spoilt for entertainment. They have so much on TV, movies, computers, video games that their expectations of entertainment is much higher.

I know this sounds a bit like "I used to walk five mile barefoot through the snow" but it's true! (The entertainment part, not the snow part). David and Corey really enjoyed it - clowns, contortionist, juggler and lots of trapeze and balancing acts. I did mention to ms-do who was sitting next to me that when I was around 5 years old I went to the circus with my Mum and my brother. A trapeze artist fell without a safety wire and was killed - right in front of us. I had forgotten about it until today. Not greatly disturbed by it or anything - but it does explain my eye covering and loud shrieks throughout the performances.

For life you need money

Saturday, Dec. 11, 2004 - 12:36 a.m.

Another thing that really bugs me about my Mother is when she says "It's good to see your life is starting to get in order". Um... my life is fine thank you very much. I don't know how much 'in order' I can get. Compared to where I was 5 years ago I could die tomorrow and be satisfied with my accomplishments.

Speaking of dying tomorrow, I have taken out life insurance. We finally received the first payment from Wayne's superannuation death benefit which has gone into trust for David when he's 18. This made me realise that as parents we need to cater financially for our children. This is particularly important for children with only one parent. If I die before David is earning his own money, it is one thing for me to say who I want to look after him, but it's another to provide financially for him. So I have done that now. I won't be mentioning it to my future partner though! :D

Hospitals and Holidays

Wednesday, Dec. 08, 2004 - 7:44 p.m.

Yesterday afternoon was spent at the hospital. The school rang to say that David had fallen over in the playground and had a suspected broken wrist. I took him to the hospital and luckily it wasn't broken - just sprained and swollen.

The children's hospital staff were fantastic! We were taken straight through, treated quickly and everyone was so wonderful with David. All this for free! I know that in the US and other countries you can't get medical attention without insurance. I feel so grateful that we don't have that system. I know that we pay for it through a higher income tax, but I think it's worth it.

* waves to Yen * A friend of mine from Uni is going to Malaysia today for a holiday! Come back safely will ya??

Emotions Run High

Monday, Dec. 06, 2004 - 10:08 p.m.

It's been an emotional day. David didn't get the grade acceleration into Year 7 that he was hoping for and he has also been placed in a straight Year 6 class rather than a multiage. I spoke to the Aspergers Coordinator at the school and now believe that the routine and structure provided by the straight year 6 will be great for him next year but he can't yet see past the "woe is me".

I do, however, think that his monthly visits to the Aspergers psychiatrist are helping him. Tonight for the first time since it happened 3 years ago David talked about how hard it was when his Father kidnapped him. He told me how his Father was screaming in the car saying that he was going to kill me and calling me a collection of names that David wouldn't repeat. David also recounted how himself and his two half brothers (who had also been kidnapped) were without water for two days and didn't eat for four days. Their Father had taken them to hide out on a riverbank with no food, clothing, running water, toilets or shelter. The four of them slept in the car for a week.

David cried as he told me that this was his saddest memory of his Father (now dead) and that he felt he shouldn't think bad things about him but that he can't forget how awful he felt and how much he missed me. This all happened before he was diagnosed - only now do I realise that the impact on him is tenfold having autism - given their need for routine, structure and notice about any changes.

Since Wayne died, I have gradually forgotten most of the bad things about him. I seem to have put his urn on a pedestal and reminded myself constantly of all his good points such as unconditional love. Well, yes, he did love my unconditionally but the other side of that is that I needed a 4 year restraining order to keep his "unconditional love" from killing me! :)

I reassured David that all his memories of his Father, both good and bad ones, are valid and that he is allowed to remember him however and whenever he wants.

In other news, the database I'm building for the local Council is going really well! I met with them today and they are thrilled with what I've done to date. Plus, I get paid the first installment on Wednesday - WOO HOO! Maybe we can have some takeaway this week!