Life Goes On

I try and try but really ...

Thursday, Jul. 22, 2004 - 9:38 a.m.

There is that prayer about wanting serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I really want to learn to accept the things I don't understand.

As most of you know, my son is autistic. I don't really notice it that much, or maybe I have just adjusted to it and without a second child for comparison life is just what it is and we make best.

This morning I was asleep when he came in with a watch and a pencil and asked if he could make a phone call. He rang the automated time service and sat on the floor using the pencil trying to set his digital watch to the right time. I offered to help, set the time and expected praise/adulation/worship. This was not forthcoming because it wasn't the EXACT time. Now people, it was 3 seconds out. Yes... not three minutes, 3 seconds out. He wasn't rude to me, but he sure was upset and really frustrated that it wasn't the EXACT time according the man on the auto-time line. Can I also add that to call the time costs me 50c and it only repeats it three times so he had actually called the time line about 6 times!

I don't understand why a three second difference is important. I don't understand how he can worry about something that was said a week ago. I don't understand why he needs to know every single detail. I don't understand why he can't resist finishing an entire Simpsons quote when the moment has passed.

I've been told that having autism is like listening to a radio which is on static. I try to remember that whenever I get frustrated with him - I can't imagine how difficult and uncomfortable life would be with that kind of permanent interference and a necessity to fight through the 'static' in order to communicate. It's really no surprise that they spend time in their own world where the static can be avoided.

Sure, it's not terminal, he doesn't need medication and he can walk but fuck life would be easier if...

Scary Stuff

Wednesday, Jul. 21, 2004 - 4:47 p.m.

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

A Stable Bow Helps

Wednesday, Jul. 21, 2004 - 4:30 p.m.

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

Friends and Desperates

Wednesday, Jul. 21, 2004 - 4:15 p.m.

Our friends are a reflection of ourselves. I have met people who have no friends and it's obvious why. Some people have copious numbers of acquaintances whilst others (like me) have a small number of very good friends. * waves to them *

How we relate to our ex-partners is also a good indication of our character. I recently read (with permission) an email to a friend from his ex-girlfriend. She spoke of missing him, praised his common sense and ... yes begged is the word I would use ... him to resume contact with her. Whilst I wouldn't consider her to be a good friend of his (because let's face it, co-dependency is not considered mutual or healthy friendship), the fact that despite their breakup she still wants to 'be friends' shows him to be worthwhile.

Uni started back today. I realised that I have done 15 out of 24 subjects so I'm halfway through. Woo Hoo! This semester is shaping up to be okay - only two days on campus and only three subjects. Hopefully I can make this one less of a disaster than last semester.