Life Goes On

I'm Rambling

Thursday, Jun. 08, 2006 - 1:44 a.m.

"Some people believe that the right partner for you is the one that makes you feel safe enough to face your demons and tackle those places in your mind where previously you have feared to tread. A positive partner should challenge your insecurities and provide a secure place for you to grow and stop the stagnation."

I posted this as a note on the blog of a friend who recently, after four years of first dates, 'good luck in your search' emails, self doubt, possibles and no-hopes has finally, unashamedly fallen deeply in love.

So often we seek out and remain with partners who are not necessarily good for us but are simply familiar - we have experienced that type of relationship before and we know the rules, we know our role and there is no risk involved. There is usually an imbalance of power - when one person has the upper hand, the other one is deflated or subdued and then the power flips over and roles are reversed. Also, there is usually very little risk involved because both parties maintain so much independence and power and emotion that nothing is on the line ... each could walk away in the morning with little more than a movie stub to remember the experience.

Safe yes, but with very little benefit. I believe a healthy, sustainable relationship involves both parties feeling safe enough to take some risk, truly and deeply believing that it will work. It has to have that 'forever factor'. This doesn't mean that in the event that it does fail that one of both should throw themselves off a cliff because they were each others' everything ... I just mean that the person you are with should have the characteristics and belief system that you could honestly live with forever. Once the honeymoon period of 'omg s/he is so wonderful and it's so cute when they (insert insipid act of cuteness here)' finishes and the true mood swings, addictions and foibles start to arise that these should be stocktaked, considered and a decision needs to be made whether or not you could still make a life together long term.

Me and My Drugs

Wednesday, Jun. 07, 2006 - 3:35 p.m.

Today is my last day off this week to do nothing. Thursday and Friday are now filled with physio appointments, study sessions and ebay deliveries. I decided to treat myself and get Subway for lunch. On the way I dropped in Blockbuster and bought some ex-rental movies. After getting my lunch I returned to my car, clicked the remote locking. I didn't hear it click (my lights don't flash) but figured I was probably just not used to hearing it. I opened the door, slid into the seat. I looked around the car - my seat felt different, it looked different. I thought to myself "It's going to take me a while to get used to my new car." Then I looked in the back seat and there was a blanket draped over it. I looked in the console and there was a pair of white gloves. Only then did I realise I was actually sitting in the wrong car! t.

Be Thankful

Tuesday, Jun. 06, 2006 - 6:21 p.m.

I was just speaking to my Aunt. I told her about my car accident, minor whiplash injury and subsequent new car. She then recounted to me what happened to her other niece (does that make her my cousin?) who is still living in South Africa.

She was driving home from work, stopped at traffic lights. A taxi driven by a black man (yes, it is relevant) and carrying a number of black men as passengers ran up the back of her car. She did not get out the car but instead tried to use her mobile to ring for help. One of the men smashed her window, grabbed the phone, opened her door from the inside and dragged her out of the car. She woke up in hospital the next day, bruised all over with two black eyes and head injuries. Her car was found smashed, trashed and dumped on the side of the road. Small blessings are that she was not raped or shot.

The worst part is that this was not for money, or for the car. They did not even keep the car. She would have surrendered any possession if they had just asked for it. The police told her that this is the latest "sport" for black men. See how many times they can kick their white victim before they pass out.

This happened a week after she was refused a job that she was qualified and experienced for because, they blatantly told her, she wasn't "of colour". Reverse Apartheid.

My aunt's sister (this girl's Mother) teaches at a school which is more like a jail. Kids bring guns and abuse her physicaly and verbally on a daily basis. There are daily thefts, assaults and younger children are frequently sexually assaulted by older students.

Why can't they seek asylum out of that god-forsaken place? Why can't the white South Africans still left there apply as refugees to Australia, England, America .. anywhere but there? We got into Australia only after two years of application process, and only because both my parents were university qualified. Even then the job that my Dad had found in Australia was advertised around the country for six months to ensure that no Australian wanted the job.

It certainly puts some perspective on my little accident. These people are not safe in their homes, their cars, or their workplaces. They cannot hang the washing up without fearing an attack. They worry that their children will not make it home from school. They have no hope of their situation changing. They have nowhere else to go. One of my sayings in life is "Change your situation or change your attitude." I just don't think they can do either.

Unrelated, but I liked this quote:

Josh Billings - "Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there."

Good Things Happen to Good People

Saturday, Jun. 03, 2006 - 8:56 p.m.

As David would say "Fully sick banana bar-b-que!"

I GOT MY CAR! I got the one I really, really wanted. I tried not to get my hopes up; I was logical and rational about the process and set my budget at $17,000. I contained my annoyance when other people at the auction sat in 'my' car during inspection. I felt physically ill. I accidently left my purse at the shopping centre in my glovebox and I worried that might be a sign that I shouldn't buy that day. I told B that I couldn't bid for myself so he agreed to help me.

The bidding started around $13K, going in $250 increments. I was prepared to pay $17K (plus onroad so $18,500 total) and knew that I should start slowing down at $16,500. I could not BELIEVE IT when B won the bidding at ... wait for it ... $15,100! With on road costs (registration, insurance, stamp duty etc) it was $16,500.

It's a 2003 Ford Focus LX sedan with 26,000 kms on the clock. It looks brand new - previous owner was Department of Health on the Sunshine Coast. It's silver grey, automatic with ABS and lots of other features that I have no idea what they do. It has power windows in the front, electronic mirrors and fog lights which I would probably only ever use to Toowoomba. It has volume controls and channel changer for the radio/CD on the steering wheel. I still can't quite believe it's mine. It feels like a hire car, or when I borrowed Mum's car for six months while she was OS.

I don't know if it was my imagination or just the fact that I had access to a decent stereo but FIVE times when I was driving around on Friday (the day I got it) I heard very significant songs on the radio. They were all songs that I identified with Wayne in some way - I would like to believe that he was sending me messages to say that he approved of the car.

Love and Honour Ebay!

Friday, Jun. 02, 2006 - 1:19 a.m.

I continue to get excited about my Ebay sales! I've had some old PC games listed for a week now; one of them was sitting on $15.00 until the last minute and it sold for $56.63! Another couple sold and I relisted the others. Two of the three have been paid for through PayPal and hopefully the third one will go through soon. My bookshelf is starting to have room in it and I'm aiming to have an almost empty house by the time I move. ;)

Tomorrow is the car auction. I am excited, but I'm also realistic. I've also been contemplating the idea of maybe a cheaper, slightly older car (under $10K) which really would be fine as well. My absolute top buy price is $17,000 because I know from tracking the prices in recent weeks I don't need to pay more than that! Once I paid the stamp duty, rego, insurance etc it will be close to the $20K allocated.

Speaking of insurance, I rang up five companies today to get quotes. The lowest was $522 for a year of comprehensive, but can you believe that the highest price was $1,024?! I cannot believe that it was so much more for exactly the same options! I asked them to double check the excess, hire car option, age of driver etc but yes, that was their quote. It also happens to be my current insurer. Bizarre.

A funny thing happened down at the computer shop yesterday ... B and I were browsing and spotted a computer. It was priced at $1195 (I won't bore you with the specs because although gigahertz and write speeds do lots for me I'm sure I'm in the minority). B queried the sales guy about the price, sales guy asked what we would be willing to pay, B replied "Well $1000 would be in the ball park" and sales guy says "Well you know $990 is a fair price". WTF? He's making it cheaper? It was either a mistake and he's a dimwit or they really wanted to get rid of the machine. Either way, no. Thanks, but no thanks.

My neck is still giving me problems but I just haven't had the time to go in for another physio session. I have received word from the examination centre at Uni that they are putting mechanisms into place to assist with my exams. A special room (with other "special" people just like me!), ergonomic desk and chair, a slanted writing slab and an extra 10 mins per hour to stretch and walk around which will be invaluable if I get one of those mind numbing episodes that I've been having. They are reducing in both frequency and severity - ever since my physio actually - so maybe with more physio between now and my exams hopefully I will be almost back to normal. Well ... as normal as I was before the accident. ;)

Speaking of exams, I got 31/40 for the Oracle exam I wrote the other day. This constitutes 31% of the unit already successfully completed. I only really need 45% to get a 'conceded pass' and get my degree so *counts on her fingers* that's only 14% I need on the final exam! Oh yeah, and it's open book. :P I will not, however, be too laissez-faire about it because as my Mother says "there's many a slip between cup and lip".

Life doesn't just go on. It's wonderful!

I might have a car!!!!

Wednesday, May. 31, 2006 - 10:11 p.m.

Have had a very busy, very productive, very enjoyable day! B came over and we went and had lunch at a local shopping centre. I was finally able to pick up and pay for a ring that belonged to my grandmother which Wayne put in for repair over four years ago. It has four rubies with 3 cubic zirconias in a gold setting. It is the only piece of jewellery recovered from after I left and it means a lot to have it back.

We then went out to the government car auctions to have a look at a couple of cars of interest that were on the list. Initially I thought I might like a gold Nissan Pulsar hatch but the condition wasn't great. The same went for a green Ford Focus hatch. There was, however, a really nice Ford Focus sedan which was like new, had a good roadworthy report and all all the extra features that will make me think it's new - adjustable seating, multi-function steering wheel, power windows.

I've set my budget, I know my limit and I have to remember that if it goes over that amount that other great cars come up every week so I will just have to wait for another one if this one isn't meant to be mine. Watch this space on Friday to find out! BIG THANKS to B for all his patience and help.

I'm beginning to realise that although this money is a wonderful thing, it could slip through my fingers very quickly, very easily and I need to careful with it. Once the car's paid for, and I've paid a few bills, put a home deposit in fixed term until I have the credit rating/employment security to buy there is not much left. I'm also paying Wayne's parents back for the funeral and reimbursing my Mum for money borrowed recently.

Still, I'm not whinging, just being realistic.

Boring Update

Monday, May. 29, 2006 - 9:44 p.m.

Went out Friday night to celebrate Ainslie's birthday. It was such a fascinating bunch of her friends! I haven't been out in Brisbane for a very long time (like, more than 5 years if you don't count those couple of games at pool at the gay bar a few weeks back). I noticed my age though ... I much preferred the earlier part of the evening when everyone was sitting around talking to the second half with the thumping music and crowds so crammed that I couldn't move from A to B.

Sunday I was again invited over to a friend of hers' place where we had quiche, salad and wine on the deck. That was a great afternoon!

Today I had my last piece of internal assessment, my Oracle exam. Now I just have two central exams to go, both in the last 10 days of June.

Ebay is going really well ... just posted $240 worth of games to Melbourne and have also listed some old PC games.

My neck is still giving me problems. :( It comes and goes in waves and when it comes over me it disables me completely for around half an hour. My physiotherapist said that it's because my top two vertebrae are out of sync with the rest of my spine. Probably 12 weeks of physio will get me back on track. I really hope it does.

I've kinda deserted my blog lately; not intentionally just so much happening with uni / david / health etc that there is no time left to think about life, the universe and everything.

Yoda I am

Saturday, May. 27, 2006 - 4:39 p.m.

You are Yoda

Yoda		81%
R2-D2		78%
Obi-Wan Kenobi		73%
Chewbacca		72%
Qui-Gon Jinn		70%
Emperor Palpatine		67%
Lando Calrissian		64%
Han Solo		61%
Darth Maul		61%
Luke Skywalker		59%

Wise and all knowing you areďż˝yes.
Tall, dark, and handsome?
Not so much I'd say.

(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)

Click here to take the Star Wars Personality Quiz

Being spoilt :)

Thursday, May. 25, 2006 - 9:45 p.m.

I realised last night that in the five years I've lived here no-one has ever washed my dishes for me ... until last night. It truly was an amazing experience to plonk myself down on the couch after dinner, have an early cigarette and then walk into the kitchen later with all the dishes done! Thanks to B and Davey for my much appreciated break.

It is especially fitting atm because my neck continues to give me problems. It's not completely disabling, it just slows me down from my usual frantic moments.

My e-bay sojourn is quickly becoming a habit. I found some great old PC games in the boxes from Adam and listed them last night. There has been some interest in one item with an enquiry from Italy! It's funny to read the System specs: "Requires 4Mb of RAM" or "14Mb of hard disk space". :D

Stiff Upper Neck

Wednesday, May. 24, 2006 - 10:13 a.m.

This will end up a ramble I'm sure.

* Sold my first couple of things on Ebay. All very exciting. I've created a database to store all the war games so that I can clearly identify the contents of the boxes and whether or not they are complete or at least what's missing.

* Had uni Monday and Tuesday. I have had my last official lectures - just have the two "this is what's on the exam" lectures to go.

* Having my first physiotherapy session today. I can't believe that my neck is so strained from that accident. I'm not in pain I'm just stiff and sometimes get a bit dizzy. Weird stuff.

* Still no sign of the money. The mailman thinks I'm stalking him because everytime he pulls up I run out maniacally and he rides off quickly.

* David was sick over the weekend with a cold. He has recovered now with just the remnants of a sniffly nose.

Watched a really interesting show which asked the question "Where have I been cheated in life?" and "What part(s) of my whole self are missing?" It showed life as a circle with four quadrants - Thinking, Feeling, Sensing, Acting. The idea is that if you aren't happy with your whole self then one of these areas is lacking. 'Thinking' = using your intelligence in career, business, being regarded as an authority on a subject. 'Feeling' = having emotional connections. 'Sensing' = (I can't remember :P) and 'Acting' = putting your dreams and plans into place rather than just Thinking/Feeling/Sensing them. The theory is that people who are content with their lives don't feel cheated in any area. They balance these four quadrants are gan fulfillment in all areas.

I also had an interesting discussion with B about two different types of people - those that gain strength from being around others and those that lose strength. I definately fit into the second category ... when I'm around friends/work colleagues etc I socialise and I'm happy and (hopefully) good company but at the end of the day I need time by myself to recharge and refill my social tolerance quota. Other people I know actually get their strength from being around others, that's how they fill up and when they're on their own it saps their energy. Neither category is right or wrong - it's just interesting to identify what type of person you are (or someone you know is) to improve your interaction with others.

That's my update. Back to ebay, my database and time to get ready for my physio.

Fete worse than death (not really!)

Monday, May. 22, 2006 - 12:34 a.m.

Big weekend, at least for this pair of geeky hermits.

We went to a school fete today with Ainslie and her daughter Maddie. We were only going to stay until about lunchtime but it really was loads of fun and they had a cent auction running which was drawn at 2.30pm so we stayed for that. David went into the petting zoo which he loved - have some photos which I will upload from my phone in the next few days.

Friday after some shopping I went to the Police Station and reported my accident because I cannot lodge an insurance claim with CTP (compulsory third party insurance) without a police incident number. After explaining it all to the officer he said that the other driver will probably be charged with dangerous driving! I feel bad about this because he was a pensioner delivering meals on wheels! It's bad enough that he crashed his own car and his premiums will go up, let alone this additional hassle. My whiplash is still with me ... comes and goes thank goodness - three or four bouts of nausea, dizziness, fogginess, ears blocking per day lasting for about an hour at a time. I have an appointment with the Disability Services at the University who will put mechanisms into place to ensure that my exam environments are suitable and I have a referral with physio which I will book on Monday.

So many of my daily activities (TV, computer, driving) are "neck up" activities so I have to make a conscious effort to manipulate my neck down. There is stiffness there which I hope physio will ease. I am not in much pain - I can function fine as long as I don't get those dizzy spells.

I am learning heaps about selling on Ebay - have made some silly mistakes but that's all part of being a n00b I guess. I am enjoying it and as long as I put it aside to get my study done I think it could become my new hobby! :)

Second last week of Uni! Woo hoo!