Background
I grew up in a 'privileged' house. One of it's definitions fit - "enjoying a special advantage, immunity, permission, right, or benefit granted to or enjoyed by an individual, class, or caste."

I know it's a weird word but I can't think of a better one.

I didn't grow up in a wealthy home - my parents weren't movie stars and they didn't drive BMWs. We only had one car, but it was a pretty good one. I went to a private school. I had my own room, with a phone extension in it. I went on all school excursions, a school trip and we went away every school holidays - either just to the coast or overseas on bigger holidays. I developed an appreciation for Gilbert and Sullivan before puberty, but I don't know much about opera or ballet. I have skiied three times, on two different continents - but not at Aspen.

I've never had to wear hand-me-down clothes. When we first arrived in Australia we did occasionally buy play clothes at charity shops but that was only until Mum got her job. I always got new, good quality shoes and school uniforms. There was always food in the house and really great presents for birthdays and Christmas.

I guess the opposite of my life is easier to describe. I know a family who has 8 children. I've known these kids since the youngest one was 6 months old (she is now 15). They have lived tough - always moving house, being shuffled from Mum's place to Dad's place as the custody battle continues. Their mother at one stage was addicted to speed and food and toilet paper were rare commodities. Whenever I visited, I would take over food for the kids - not junk, but real food like quiche or potato bake. The kids would quickly gather around the kitchen table and eat very fast, as if this would be their last meal.

I remember as a high school student going for the weekend to a friends house. She was one of 10 kids (Catholic family surprise surprise) and I asked her Mum what I could bring. She insisted on nothing because families like that just cook in bulk so one more mouth is nothing. So my Mum went out and bought 20 packets of chocolate biscuits, realising that the family would very seldom have such luxuries. The family loved it - once again crowding around the bag as though it were Santa's sack.

My Thoughts
The reason I'm mentioning all this is not for a bragging session or to tell you how and why I'm better than you (because I'm not), I just find it fascinating how one's nurture affects our attitudes in adult life. Which of our personality characteristics are most affected by our upbringing?

Frugality - am I more likely to be frugal so that I never have to live in poverty? Is someone from a poor background more likely to spend often and quickly?

Egocentrism - am I likely to be content to be one of the crowd, having been given lots of individualised attention in my childhood? Is someone from a large family more likely to want to be special, to be noticed having always been 'one of many'.

Materialism - do I continue to derive pleasure from material possessions and categorise people by their material achievements? I someone from a poor background more likely to surround themselves with wordly possessions to have what they didn't have?

The question I think is ... Does my privileged upbringing make me want that again in my adult life, do I seek the same, or do I try and find what I didn't have? I do remember as an early teen accusing my Mother of not loving me and she replied, "I do love you! I bought you an electric typewriter for Christmas!" She grew up in a very poor home and has strived all her life to have material possessions. They are her expression of love. I get that. I don't agree with it but I understand it as her currency.

Do children from poor/large/less privileged households strive for more materialism and individuality as adults, or were they the lucky ones all along - completely content with their upbringing - getting non-material love, sharing, selflessness and sibling support - and believing that to be the best way to bring up their children.

So then, we revisit the definition of privileged - ""enjoying a special advantage, immunity, permission, right, or benefit granted to or enjoyed by an individual, class, or caste." - this could apply to a large family too - regardless of income. Nowhere in that definition does it mention money.

I think a 'privileged' childhood is not about money. It's about always feeling wanted, secure, individual, fed, clothed, noticed, valued. This can be achieved regardless of the household income.

t.