Life Goes On

I found it amusing .. you may not.

Saturday, Oct. 29, 2005 - 10:08 p.m.

Now some of you may take offence to this post, so consider yourself warned.

Email from a girl to a male
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 12:02 PM

[Guy],
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing.

I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't.

I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not.

I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time.

Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that. I am so sorry.

[Chick]

[Guy] email response wrote:
Dear [Chick],
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about". You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't Fuck him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight.

The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room.

The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened. By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

Sounds more like a male than a virus?? Oh wait ...

Thursday, Oct. 27, 2005 - 2:08 p.m.

WARNING! If you receive an email entitled 'Fighting Canaries', delete it immediately.
Do not open it.
Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your sodas.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
Its radioactive emissions will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing the rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
If the message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.
It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of green.
These are just a few signs of infection.
t.

If I had my Life To Live Over (Erma Bombeck)

Wednesday, Oct. 26, 2005 - 9:16 p.m.

In honour of Breast Cancer Month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
(By Erma Bombeck)

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the GOOD living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up! On a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I wasnï¿½t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldnï¿½t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, Iï¿½d have cherished every moment realizing that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, ï¿½Later, now go get washed up for dinner.ï¿½

There would have been more ï¿½I Love Youï¿½sï¿½ and more ï¿½Iï¿½m sorryï¿½sï¿½ but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute ï¿½.. Look at it and really see itï¿½ live it. And never give it back.

CBGB Coolness

Wednesday, Oct. 26, 2005 - 4:50 a.m.

For a while now, maybe two years, I've known about a small rock club in New York called CBGB's - a self described "Home of Underground Rock". It was the springboard for bands such as The Ramone's, Blondie, Andy Warhol, The Talking Heads, Iggy Pop - and those are just the ones I recognise on the website's fascinating "History" page.

Not many people I speak to have heard of CBJB's. I saw it referenced once on an episode of The Gilmore Girls (so shoot me) and read about it once on a US forum to which I contribute. Other than that, a blank.

So my parents arrived in New York last week. CBGB's is facing closure, having a problem renewing their lease for some reason, so I decided on a whim to email them asking if they could maybe get me a t-shirt or something because it's a possibility that the place may not still be standing by the time I make it to NY (no immediate plans!). I emailed them the address and subway directions and strict instructions not to try and find it after dark.

Received an email from Mum today:

"Would you believe our hotel (aka backpacker's dive) is opposite the 315 Bowery Night Club!" (aka CBGB's)

Looks like I'm getting my t-shirt! And, because it's my Mum buying it and not some other well meaning relative I know it will fit me because my Mother has no qualms about reminding me of my large frame!

WOOT!

There is growth happenin' outside my square bubble!

Monday, Oct. 24, 2005 - 9:36 p.m.

Tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy summed up my day. The punchline was "The only advantage to falling is it gives your friends an opportunity to catch you."

Two hours sleep in the last two or three days, my project completed thanks to some extensive help from D, presentation done at lunchtime my semester assignments are complete. Anyone who thinks Uni is hard academically has no concept of the emotional and physical drain on the body. I behaved badly today - after my presentation I completely lost it with two people I care about and thanking my stars both have now forgiven me.

I'm on the verge of tears, my protective bubble of strength has popped and I'm vulnerable to needing people. Doesn't that suck? I'm much more comfortable with being someone else's rock, having all the answers, solving others' problems. I've learnt today that it's about emotional investment - I deposit effort and kindness and time into my friends and today I withdrew some.

This year I have experienced a higher degree of emotional growth than I can ever remember. Not the year I left my marriage, not the year after his suicide - 2005 has been the year of "more than one truth", "I don't have to control it to benefit from it" and "I will peek outside to the square to see what's there".

Procrastination Update

Saturday, Oct. 22, 2005 - 9:37 p.m.

So my parents have finally arrived in the U S of A, New York to be exact. They spent six hours in the Met Art Gallery and Dad says they probably need another day there to fully appreciate it. Of course for me it means time to start worrying again as they are now in the country with a higher rate of violence, terrorist attacks and hurricanes. They go to Florida on the 28th. yay. The joys of having your parents gallavanting around the world.

Only two exams and my University project left to go - 100% of the semester marks, judged by two lecturers and the external client. I told Patrick from Logan Waste (the external client) that he needed to play good cop against the lecturers and tell them how wonderful I've been throughout this whole process. The help manual, report and presentation components are on track - it's a shame the actual application I built is having a few issues about getting completed. D has been helping with me it - has built a web based help system that needs to be populated but obviously I can't do that until the actual system is working! He has stayed over the last two nights and it's been great.

Went to Carindale Shopping Centre this morning with Ms-Do to buy some new reading glasses. I haven't had new frames for about 5 years with lenses changed about two years ago. Since then my keratoconus has been diagnosed so I can only imagine how different it will be when I get the new ones.

The good news linked to the new glasses is that I finally won my battle against the tax department. In July they sucked away my $763 Family Tax Benefit with no consideration for the impact that had on my budget. After three letters, three months and many phone calls to the ombudsman I got the re-issued cheque in the mail last week. It could not have come at a more needy time and I thank whatever power is looking after me.

Finally, a shout out to catdraco who is getting married today. The weather was beautiful, the rings and flowers and dress are gorgeous and I wish you every happiness in this new phase of your life.