Life Goes On

The Next Three Weeks

Wednesday, Oct. 19, 2005 - 3:42 p.m.

It's obviously last semester of Uni because I am stressed stressed stressed. Poor Ms-Do was unfortunate enough this morning to ring me and have me burst into tears without warning. She bade a hurried goodbye and rang me later to find out how I was going. I don't cry very often - couple of times a year - so I think she was shocked to hear it.

There are just not enough hours in the day to get everything done. My house is a mess, my child is neglected, my computer is running overdrive. My eyelids are in semi-permanent closure, my ashtray is full and my kettle is always hot from the bottomless coffee that resides to my left.

The trouble is, the world doesn't stop just because I'm stressed. I still receive mail that needs attendance, I still get telemarketing calls, I still need to make three meals a day for David and wash his clothes and do the dishes and put him to bed. I still need to remember if it's swimming today, have I paid for his excursion, are his mobile and laptop charged, do I have petrol in the car to get him to school, do I have to order gluten free bread today, is it time to put the garbage out?

I once considered doing Summer Semester to finish my degree sooner. That's not going to happen. In three weeks I will have 14 weeks holiday. I will stop the coffee, maybe even the cigarettes, I will spend the first three weeks sleeping every moment I'm not being a Mother and then I'll have a week in Melbourne with my parents over Christmas. I need to remind myself that in three weeks I will no longer be where I am now - running this hamster ball of sleep deprivation and juggling more balls than I feel capable of keeping in the air. There is no solution to my living hell for the next three weeks - just a comfort that there is an end.

Banes

Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2005 - 3:40 p.m.

Last assignment has been handed in. Last lecture has been taken. Just my project to go and then two exams in November. I can see the light.

Spent all day uploading photos to my parents' Holiday Blog. I still find it amusing that my Mother didn't want it initially - "I don't want everyone seeing what a wonderful time we're having when they're still stuck at work!" and yet now I get emails from her asking for edits and uploads. :)

David is home from school again because in their wisdom the teacher's decided to give me less than one day's notice for a class excursion to the Botanical Gardens costing $11.00. It's just not okay to give an autistic child that short notice for a change in routine!

The Old Man is Snoring

Sunday, Oct. 16, 2005 - 1:48 p.m.

What a godforsaken day! We so desperately need rain here - we are on high water restrictions and our dams are around 27% full but why, I ask, does it have to rain on the Sunday that the school fete is on? They only have one every two years so this is the last one that David will be at the school for AND the ride armband I bought for him (unlimited rides) was TWENTY SEVEN DOLLARS! Had it not been for that I may have considered staying under my doona and doing the best you can on a rainy day ... staying warm, drinking coffee and appreciating the much needed rain from the right side of the window. But no, $27.00 is a lot of money so off we trapsed to the fete where David had three goes on the big slide until he fell off it from the top and went bump bump bump down all the stairs injuring himself and that was that. So not only did I pay $27.00 for a total of three rides which are normally only $4.00 each but I also paid for the privilege of my son being injured. * sigh *

Add to that the no-smoking policy in the school grounds, the huge line up for coffee, the bad fudge, the wet umbrellas in the back of the car and the missed phone calls on my mobile from all the noise - I tell you - it's hard to be thankful for the rain.

Now I'm home, warm, washing machine full of wet and muddy clothes, umbrellas on the back porch, a cigarette out of the rain and I'm beginning to feel humane again.

Last week of Uni coming up and then only two exams left. This week I have to finish my SQL/Access assignment and complete my project. There is so much work to be done but atm it's manageable. Remind me of this fact in about 4 days will you?

Whinge whinge whinge I know .. no nuggets of wisdom available until my head is cleared from SQL Command Objects, dreamweaver templates and 40 page reports. I really need to empty my head of a lot of stuff. Prepare for the onslaught in a couple of weeks.

Google Your Needs

Sunday, Oct. 09, 2005 - 11:12 p.m.

Tag from cAt

Type ï¿½[your name] needsï¿½ (in quotes) in Google and show the first 10 results.

1. T needs an hour and forty-five minutes.
2. T needs to sleep.
3. T needs her.
5. T needs people to talk and argue with.

Considering I have such an unusual name there were only five results.

The Logical Choice

Sunday, Oct. 09, 2005 - 10:40 p.m.

Spent the whole of Saturday at a workshop for my university subject 'IT Consulting'. It was a practical assessment task, working in a team of five to bid for an IT contract against four other teams. It was based on an actual contract released by a government department earlier this year requesting supply of business analysis and application software.

Our team, Logical Inc, had two people with experience and were regarded as "the team to beat" by the others in our bidding circle. I guess we were pretty arrogant about the whole business. At morning tea, following the client presentation, our team "shotgunned" out and cornered every member of the client team to make sure they knew who we were - getting a competitive edge. The other teams were standing behind each of us, like a checkout, waiting for their turn! We monopolised the clients' time for the entire morning tea - a crafty strategy indeed.

We handed in our proposal at the allotted 2pm .. well technically we got it in at one minute to 2pm which was lucky because we had considered starting the printing process 15 minutes later. As we were grabbing something to eat around 2.15pm we spotted two teams sprinting from the library to the proposal box! Our presentation was sensational - D had written me a web based project tracker tool which the client team absolutely loved! We demonstrated that and the body language indicated they were very impressed.

So we get to the final client presentation where they announce which team has won the bid. One team scored 39%, another 48%, the third team 59%. Then they announce that for Logical there is good news and bad news - the good news was that we scored 75% - the bad news was that we forgot to hand in one form so we were excluded from selection. :)

I was really pleased for the rest of the teams. They had all worked so hard even though they had drawn the short straw by being up against us. One of the other teams even shared their muffins with us! Along with the muffins we ate humble pie and accepted our defeat graciously. Muffin girl came up to me afterwards and said "We know you really won" and I replied "Hey, we fucked up. You didn't. You deserve to win!" She smiled and thanked me.

I don't think I would like to be a fulltime IT consultant - too much stress! It feels too much like sales which is not my strong point. Give me the job of managing the project once we get the contract.

Repost. I am ...

Saturday, Oct. 08, 2005 - 12:49 a.m.

For new readers, I am not gay but I do support this.

I am...
I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.
I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.
We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.
We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.
I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant--and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants don't raise a stink.
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.
I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.
I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God. I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.
I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.
We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters.

If you agree, repost this. I am making a difference. Hate will not win.

Blah All Round Really

Monday, Oct. 03, 2005 - 9:08 a.m.

Had a fairly quiet weekend, apart from some drama on Saturday. Had dinner on Saturday night with Ms-Do which was lovely. Played email tag with my Mum on Sunday and she put some money into my account! I didn't ask her directly but I did tell her it was tough financially and at least now I can now have a latte at Uni without worrying about what we will eat on Wednesday.

I am insanely busy so to those of you who have emailed I apologise. Week 11 out of 13 weeks for semester puts this little black duck in a no-sleep-wish-i-had-done-more-6-weeks-ago situation. Also for those of you who have asked, D and I are no more. Long story which I won't recount atm but if you want details email me.

I have been getting numbness in my left fingers which I think is Carpel Tunnel. It is in my left hand (dominant but non-mouse hand) but I have a ledge on my desk on my left side and I always rest my arm on there. I think that is where the pain and numbness is coming from. I will probably go to the doctor tomorrow because if this continues I could have problems writing my exams. :( Others might suggest it is due to other activities! I thought they said it would make me go blind, not give me carpel tunnel? :D

Fuck You! (in a nice way)

Saturday, Oct. 01, 2005 - 4:23 a.m.

Me: i was telling my gf just the other day my ideal situation ... i have my place, he has his place.. we are exclusive sexually .. we are emotional significant others .. we are each others dates for functions ..but we have our own lives x days out of the week

Me: but maybe thats just a cop out because i can't face the idea of complete vulnerability

SmartAlec: vulnerable to what?

Me: hurt, disappointment, soul destroying, loss of identity, financial ruin

SmartAlec: you're also vulnerable to the opposite

Rhodesia the Brave and The Beautiful

Wednesday, Sept. 28, 2005 - 1:18 a.m.

I mentioned CJ in a previous entry (Will you still love me ... ). Well today I received in the mail, posted in Sydney, some CDs. CJ and his new wife are in Australia on their honeymoon. The CDs are by John Edmond, a singer in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) who wrote many songs during the war (Rhodesian War of Independence, 1965 - 1980) called Troopie Songs. They told of the heartache, motivation, sadness and occasional humour of everyone affected by the war.

These songs remind me of a life that continues to slip from my memories a little more each day. Sometimes I feel as though they tell of a life I read in a book once, long ago, and before long I will probably even forget the title.

How different would my life be if I had not experienced Africa, Troopie Songs, armoured vehicle escorts to the border, bomb and terrorist drills at school, the joy of seeing my Father return alive from yet another tour. He went every school hoidays, every Christmas and did not stop his duty until the war ended in 1980 and we finally had a family Christmas for the first time ever. I have postcards I wrote him when he was away and the letters he wrote back to me. These songs remind me of riding in the back of the truck singing out of tune with my brother when life was simpler and my biggest dream was to have a pink toy intercom phone (which, incidentally, Santa gave me that first family Christmas).

CJ sent me his personal signed copies of John's CDs and I will treasure them forever. It's like he gave me the first printed copy of that book I read a long time ago.

Please Be Okay

Wednesday, Sept. 28, 2005 - 12:34 a.m.

My best friend in high school was Mary. She was somewhere in the middle of ten children from a Catholic family and we lived worlds apart but were drawn to each other very early in my starting as a new pupil at her school.

We spent all our time together but, like many things, tensions grew when I was married to Wayne and we parted on what I remember to be less than happy terms. It is her birthday on Friday. I haven't spoken to her in 7 years and the last time I saw her I was near to the lowest point in my life.

After a little googling I think I managed to find her Father's email address and have sent off a "please contact me". I really hope she does but somewhere in the pit of my stomach I have a bad feeling. I don't know why.