Life Goes On

Baby in Age Only
Wednesday, Jun. 22, 2005 - 12:33 a.m.
I had a small reality check today. A phonecall from my mother who told me that my brother is really struggling financially. He lives in Armidale which is freezing at the moment and he doesn't even have money to buy wood for the fire. Food, shelter and clothing are basic necessities and included in shelter is warmth.

It saddens me that my sibling is living below the poverty line whilst I have heat, food, money ... everything I could possibly need even if I don't have everything I want.

I wish that I could help him out with money. Mum sends him some but she leaves in 8 days and I feel the responsibility falling on my shoulders even though I'm younger than him. I'm the baby of the family, I'm only 33 and yet I already worry about my parents and now my brother and I'm fairly sure that within fewer years than I care to count I will be the rock, the financial support for everyone else.

I now feel bad about having luxuries like take away and chocolate biscuits knowing that he's freezing down south. It will be another 18 months before I'm finished my degree and working ... only then will I really be able to afford to help him with money.

I've figured the best thing I can do is to make sure I'm not a financial burden on my parents. They haven't paid for anything for a while, in fact I gave them money recently, and if I continue to cost them nothing then they will have more to give to him.

t.

A Life Worth Living ... Now.
Friday, Jun. 17, 2005 - 1:05 p.m.
Another story today about a woman being killed at the hands of her estranged partner. This time, her Father was also killed and her Mother and one of her children were injured.

The woman had an AVO out on her ex-partner, had tried reconciling and was staying with her parents trying to move on with her life.

These stories echo mine so closely. They always remind me of the life I lived and how it may have turned out. 10 years of hell in the marriage were less painful than the four years after I left. The photos, the stalking, phone calls, threats, 32 court cases, kidnapping, deprivation of liberty. Living every minute of your life in fear. Sometimes I think it was a book I read. And then I remember.

I am so glad he is dead.

t.

Another Blip in a Perfect Life
Friday, Jun. 17, 2005 - 11:39 a.m.
I have an exam tonight so I don't need stress! The school just rang to say that David is upset because he didn't get a report card. Apparently his teacher doesn't 'feel right' about giving him one because he didn't complete all pieces of assessment having missed Tuesday and Friday afternoons.

I have now accepted that she just doesn't like him. There is no rule that says she must - David is much like me in that people either love me or hate me and that's okay. But I do feel as if David's teacher purposely finds things to be spiteful about. She makes him miss computers (his only enjoyable lesson) by forcing him to finish work when she doesn't force him to finish work before any other session. She knew how important his report card was to him - he has tried so hard this semester and hasn't been in trouble once!

She may be a qualified teacher but I don't think she's a good teacher. Oh well, we all come across people we don't like in life so I guess this is good experience for him.

Back to studying.

t.

BP 250/150
Tuesday, Jun. 14, 2005 - 10:17 p.m.
There is a bee in my bonnet and if I don't get it out then I feel sorry for the next person to say "Hi" to me because they're bound to get an earful!

Now I can't give specifics given that readers are involved but I will say this ... I fucking hate it when people tell me what I can and can't say around them! If you don't like the way I talk, if you don't like the words I use then fuck off that way and get out of hearing distance from me!

Ms-Do and I have an awesome friendship - we talk and laugh about the same things and it's very seldom (I think I can only think of one occasion?) when she has said "hmmmm that's going too far!". That's cool. I respect that. But there are other people in this world that "forbid" yes you heard right FORBID me from saying certain words because it offends them.

Now I don't get all uppity when people say "oh that's retarded" or "that's spastic" even though I have a child with a disability. I don't cry everytime someone says PHAT or thinks all single mothers are "welfare mums". These are groups that I identify with but I let it go when someone uses these words in general expression.

* starting to calm down *

Bloody political correctness and all this bullshit about respecting personal ethics and beliefs. How about respecting my right to say whatever the fuck I like?!

"If you can't handle all of me, you can't have any of me" -- HBI

t.