Life Goes On

I want to be a snowflake!

Sunday, Jun. 12, 2005 - 8:53 p.m.

Crushes are like sugar highs - they're a sudden up and then a sudden down. Like the little crush I had on my lecturer, you meet someone who seems to be exactly the type of man you like - he makes you feel special - probably only because he's not hurting you like the rest of the men you meet. Suddenly and without warning he says or does something which plummets you down - you suddenly realise that you aren't special at all - he actually treats everyone like that because he's just a nice guy.

"You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." -- Fight Club.

Desirable and Wanted

Thursday, Jun. 09, 2005 - 11:31 p.m.

I had an interesting dream the other night about an ex-boyfriend. We dated when I was 18 or so, both at Uni. A week after we met (introduced by a previous bf of mine that I'm still in contact with!) he decided to join me on a skiing trip and after that we dated for about 18 months I think? His mother never approved of me so when I went into hospital she convinced him to stop seeing me and that's where it ended.

I rang him a few years ago and he has never married, never had kids. He still lives in our home town and seemed genuinely pleased to hear from me. At the time I was still having major dramas with Wayne so I chose not to contact him again. I haven't thought about him since then, I've had no references to him so I don't understand why I'm dreaming about him.

In the dream, he moved in next door to me. He seemed and acted as though he was completely smitten by me and I could feel his eyes just soaking me up, both sexually and appreciatively. In the dream we did not sleep together but the sexual tension suggested that we would. I liked the dream because I felt desired and wanted by him and I wasn't infatuated with him ... it was me who was the object of desire and I had a choice how I wanted to progress.

You can lecture me anytime :)

Wednesday, Jun. 08, 2005 - 12:42 a.m.

My last assessment, due late last week, was a 10 page, 5,000 word essay. It was a mock job application for the position of IT Manager earning $120K annually. I worked hard on the assignment and when I read through it before handing it in I was surprised at how well it read!

During my lecture for that subject today I walked past the lecturer after the break. he stopped me and said that he had marked my assignment and also said it was "very good, well written, excellent structure". Considering there are 200 students in that course I was not only pleased to hear I had done well but also that he had chosen to tell me personally. Later in the tutorial he was talking to everyone about the assignments and described aspects that I had done as "the desirable approach taken by only a handful of students".

This particular lecturer makes me blush! Yes, he's married, nothing like that but he's good looking, funny and very intelligent. When he is lecturing, he looks at me and I blush! Either he looks at all the students or I'm the only one not asleep, but I still feel like I'm the only student in the room!

I have chosen an elective which he takes for next semester! It happens to be something I'm interested in (IT Consulting) but his presence did persuade me .. just a little!

Finally back .. but maybe not for long.

Sunday, Jun. 05, 2005 - 9:23 p.m.

I know I know unbelievably long time between entries. It has been the most frantic last few weeks with assignments and exams and trips to see the parents.

During assessment I was living on caffeine and now I'm trying to drink less of it until exams start. I failed one small exam (only worth 15%) but other than that I think I should pass most other things.

Went to see my ex-in-laws this weekend - they have an old computer which I was trying to do up for them but it's beyond help with DIMM ram which is just not available anymore and the cards are rusting in the back! I have asked my computer guy for a quote on a basic machine so hopefully I can get them something. They told me something about Wayne - this is the first time that his Father has talked about him at all since he died - he told me that Wayne was about to go to jail for welfare fraud and that played a large part in his suicide. I knew he was ripping off welfare; he was collecting sole parent pension when we were still together and I was working three jobs and he told everyone that he would kill himself before going to jail again. He got 7 years jail before I met him ... don't ask!

At lot has happened in the last couple of weeks since I last updated and I guess I will gradually start to put them in here. Mind you, I am thinking of moving to MSN spaces - will let you know.