Sunday, Mar. 13, 2005 - 12:04 a.m.
I feel like I've been
driving all day. Went to a friends today before lunch, came home, picked David up, went to video store and 7-11 for slurpees, came home, went grocery shopping, came home, went to visit
ms-do, came home, realised the lamb chops I had for dinner were not fit for human consumption, went out again to buy takeaway, came home, had dinner, went over to neighbours to create some posters.
I also managed to install a DVD-ROM drive in David's machine which went well considering I'm not that good at hardware.
A good friend of Wayne's text me today to say that she can't 'face' me for a promised coffee; she's not ready to talk about his death yet. I rang her about a year ago to tell her about his death and I didn't think to ask but she was driving at the time and had to pull over. I worry everyday that Wayne's suicide affects David at a deeper level than he shares with me. It is surprising how many references there are to suicide - TV, books, media in general. Everytime a reference comes up I give him a cuddle and see if he's okay and although he nods yes I can see the pain in his eyes. I've never experienced either but I wonder if losing a parent to suicide is worse than losing a parent through accident or natural causes?
I know that I'm doing all that I can - he sees his psychiatrist, we talk about it whenever he feels like it, I've been honest with him about everything. If there's something I'm not doing I don't know about it so I guess that's the best I can do.
t.