The only black cloud in my newfound walking routine is the fact that there is a FUCKING MAGPIE in my street. For the uninitiated, these are black and white birds (a bit like crows) which swoop and attack people usually during nesting season. This bastard lives halfway up my street. Everytime I walk past, he swoops down and attempts to peck at the top of my head. My brother offered a solution - draw two eyes on the top of an icecream container and put that on your head.

Um... I don't think so. I am a single, sexy female and the Mother of a child at a nearby school. I do not want David to be known as "the son of the woman with the icecream container on her head" nor do I wish potential suitors to think "hey she's cute ... shame about the hat".

I would like nothing more than to swat it with a tennis racquet but apart from the horrible idea of hurting a living creature, plus the fact I don't own a tennis racquet, plus I would have to carry said racquet for the remainder of my walk, lastly magpies are protected species. You are not allowed to harm them in anyway else face the wrath of National Parks.

One walking morning I thought the solution was to drive my car to the top of the street and walk from there. This did not work. I was so bleary eyed that I nearly crashed the car on the way up. Then, when I returned, the nearby building site was full of sexy guys who thought I was MAD because I drove less than 100 metres.

Plan B: I now take an alternative route around the street and that is proving satisfactory. No more swooping attacks, no more embarrassing scenes and definately no icecream containers.

I guess the lesson is, if you can't change your situation, change your direction.

t.