:P to you
Friday, Aug. 13, 2004 - 12:03 a.m.
"At the third stroke, it will be 12.02pm and 20 seconds" /simpsons reference
NCT ... Must. Not. Text.
Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004 - 2:15 p.m.
Okay so you're probably wondering what the previous post means?
Remember two weeks ago T and I had a "realignment of objectives" (herein after referred to as 'the crash')? Well that occurred because we felt (well HE felt and after much discussion I agreed with him) that communication and contact between us was speeding up at a ridiculous rate to the point where I was thinking about him too many times in the day; we were chatting every day by text, email and IM; we were making assumptions about spending time together and I guess I was handing over control of my emotions and logical thought to him. He recognised this and 'the crash' was the result of him saying "I think the momentum of our interaction (dare I use the word "US") is speeding too quickly and we need to stop and refocus".
Now normally when something like this happens I would shut down emotionally and flick the switch and cease all communication with the person because what I perceived as rejection is one of the most hurtful emotions we feel. But, taking all our previous interactions into consideration, I chose instead to change my previous habits and talked to him. I told him how his decision to slow down made me feel. I told him that I felt rejected.
Since then, we have been more careful about the amount of contact we have, and yesterday I was feeling a little overwhelmed. We had a great lunch together and afterwards I found myself slipping back into that pattern of thinking about him too often. So, I sent him a text explaining this and we've decided that today is going to be "NCT - No Contact Thursday".
It's weird because there are actually days when we don't have much contact - a text here, an email there - but we almost always chat online at night. So how does today differ?
Firstly, and ironically, it makes me think about him more! LOL! Just being 'not allowed' to do something makes me want to do it more. Secondly, it's a challenge to see if I can get through the day without contact (and BTW I'm doing fine ;)). Thirdly, it actually feels okay because I'm not sitting here thinking "he's not thinking about me, he hates me, what have I done" ... instead I'm saying "it's all good, I can get some work done, and when we talk we talk".
I guess the question is ... am I just using this diary entry as I way of communicating with him without breaking the NCT Rule? Mind you, I guess that depends on whether or not he reads it today because if he CHOOSES to read my diary today then technically he's breaking the NCT Rule too. I guess that makes us even. :)
t.
You'll know if this is for you ...
Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004 - 9:55 a.m.
must. not. send. email.
must. not. send. text.
t.
Be Selfish and Thrive
Wednesday, Aug. 11, 2004 - 11:48 a.m.
Fluid Life talks about doing something for ourselves once in a while. I often refer to the "burnt chop" syndrome that so many women (particularly mothers) suffer from.
If you're cooking dinner, and you burn one chop, who gets it? You do. If you break a baked potato, or there isn't enough icecream then you miss out. We do it all the time. Put the child/ren and/or partner first when it comes to food or money or time.
We don't really mind, and we seldom whinge about it. Heck, sometimes we don't even realise we do it! There is an ingrained natural propensity to sacrifice and push aside our own wants to provide time/food/safety/love for those we care about.
There is nothing wrong with this! Don't burn your bras and break your spatulas in protest. We actually thrive on this purpose just as many men are driven by their usual role of financial provider. But please... once in a while take the unburnt chop or at least throw the whole dinner in the bin and take the family out to eat. Sign yourself up for a course or join an interest group or have all the girls over for lunch. Your family will work around you because as a Mother and wife you are the nucleus and they will find a way to accommodate your occasional need for pampering.
t.
Spare the Rod
Tuesday, Aug. 10, 2004 - 4:31 p.m.
So I mentioned a couple of days back that David, my darling 10yo, was suspended. This is his third suspension in as many years and his last allowed at this school. Next step is expulsion (or "exclusion" as they like to call it these days).
His previous suspension in June was completely valid. Amongst other things he verbally abused a female student in a degoratory way - some sexual reference - and I was disgusted. I left my marriage so that David would not believe that his Father's treatment of women was acceptable. David was given four days suspension for this and a couple of other incidents.
So now he's been suspended for 4 weeks (20 school days) and has to attend a Behaviour Management Program for most of those days. To go from four days to twenty you would assume he burnt the school down. Well... he kicked a desk, told another student to fuck off and was cheeky to a teacher. Apparently his teacher asked him to take something to the office, David said he didn't want to, so the teacher asked another student. David then turned around and said "if you think reverse psychology is going to work on me you're mistaken".
I don't condone being cheeky to adults, or kicking desks or swearing, even to peers. But four weeks??? Cooommmmeeee on! When they gave me the paperwork the Principal gave me the forms to lodge with the Department of Education if I wish to appeal against the suspension and I'm almost tempted to do it. But really, all that does is get the school offside and they're more likely to push for "exclusion" when he returns.
This change of routine is so hard on me. It means that I have a 9am drop at school (for Corey, a gf's son) then a 10am drop at Behaviour Management (David) then pick David up at 2pm then pick Corey up at 3pm - and they're at different locations. I'm all for freedom of choice and actions/consequences but it would be nice if David considered how his choices impact on me! :(
My Dad teaches in a private all boys school that still administers corporal punishment. I strongly believe in it - if David's punishment was six of the best across his arse I don't think he would be repeating the behaviour so quickly (only 2 months between suspensions) and I wouldn't be so inconvenienced. We've tried so hard to make this world politically correct, and safe for children and acknowledge their freedom and rights that we've become a little spineless and are slowly losing control.
t.