It ended up as a D&M which is the reason I didn't post to my diary for a couple of days because I didn't want to discuss it again and was worried it would appear here - oops I think it just did.
Anyway, while I was there one of the other workers approached me and asked if I would be involved in a taskforce which will train the Queensland Police Department in issues that women face when leaving DV marriages. This includes addressing difficulties getting DVO's (Domestic Violence Order), lodging breaches, arranging family orders, etc. Did you know that when it comes to childhood sexual abuse, a child is the only person who is sometimes forced to return to their abuser? Adult rape victims are never forced to face their accuser, but child rape/incest victims are often forced through the family court to return to their abusers until the criminal case is settled. I am purposely using non-gender language because this crime is not always committed by a male. The taskforce however is administered by a Women's Centre and therefore the focus will be gender specific.
Of course I accepted the invitation to help. I believe that I have valuable experience and advice to impart to both victims and the Police Dept. I lodged SEVEN breaches against my DVO - including one case of deprivation of liberty - yet FIVE were never processed because the male police officer involved believed Wayne over me. "Oh she's making it up.. you know women". It was only the last two which were handled by a female officer that actually went to court and he was charged with them.
I would love the opportunity to meet and speak with women who are currently in refuges. I'll tell you something else for free ...
When I was in the refuge there were nine other women there. Overall I met about 20 women through rotation but there were 10 rooms so always only 10 families at a time. I was different from all of them because I was working two jobs - one fulltime, the other at night. The other women were so trapped in their moulds and belief that their lot in life was nothng more than 'suffer and survive'. 9 out of 10 of them were victims of child abuse and/or incest.
At night (after kids curfew) us mothers would sit outside smoking, playing cards and talking. After a few weeks of being there, I noticed a change in their behaviour. When I left for work in the morning, junk mail and Centrelink forms were gradually replaced with the newspaper Job Section and tertiary education brochures. I didn't realise that they listened to me or that they valued my advice or achievements. This, however, was proven on my last day at the refuge. The women had made me a card, and had all signed it. In the twelve weeks and 10 rotations that I had witnessed no other mother had ever been given a card. They wrote about how I inspired them and made them realise that destiny was a choice. One mother even wrote a poem about me.
I halfheartedly apologise if this is a trumpet blow. This is not meant to serve as a "look how wonderful I am". It is just to say that we must forget the experience, but remember the lesson. Maybe this year I'll have the courage to speak at Reclaim the Night.
t.
