Life Goes On

Education Vs Experience

Sunday, Feb. 15, 2004 - 12:36 a.m.

Powderfinger's "My Happiness" video clip is on Rage at the moment. It shows the desperate search of a lost slinky to find his owner after being left on a train. David loves this video clip - I'm almost tempted to wake him for it! Don't think I should though - it's 12.37am and by the time he wakes and rubs his little eyes and focuses it will be finished. Also, if I was more organised I could have taped it but I'm not so I guess it will have to wait until next week.

Reading redstarhelix's diary reminded me of an incident last night. Around midnight I heard a screech of brakes and looked out my window to see a man jump out the car and run up to a woman on the footpath. He was screaming abuse at her "You fucking whore" etc and then started punching into her. She was screaming really loudly. Of course I rang the Police and they arrived within 2-3 minutes and sorted it out. Don't know whether they arrested him (didn't want to be peering out the window in case he realised who had called) but the odds are against it. Not because the Police don't do their job (I have a great deal of faith in our police service) but simply because it's unlikely that the victim will press charges.

As little as 12 months ago I would now start my diatribe about how I was in a DV relationship for 10 years etc etc. For some reason I'm resisting that and it pleases me. I have used it as a badge of (dis)honour for so long. Psychology books can explain the reason behind this (yawn) so I know I'm not an unusual specimen in that regard. I am just really grateful (?) that I no longer throw this up at every opportunity. It's kinda ironic that I'm talking about it which means that I am actually revealing it in an effort to not reveal it (WTF?) but at least the reason behind it is not so that you will pity me.

I think peace with your demons comes when you begin to accept the part you play in all events in your life. It is so easy to play "poor me" and promote victim mentality; much easier than looking retrospectively and saying "What part did I play in what happened to me?" In some circumstances (e.g. child abuse) there is nothing that you could or should have done differently and believing that there was will just make your healing harder.

Some people I know are always saying ".. they/he/she did (blah) and it affected me (this way)..." or "It's his/her/their fault that x happened". I seldom hear the words "I did..." or "I should have... " come out of their mouths. When this is said all the time it actually negates those times where someone else did screw them over, but I am so sick of hearing about their 'faultlessness' that I just switch off.

With my failed marriage, the DV, my divorce and other fuckups in my life I can honestly look at them and say "I played a part in it's demise." The trick now is to catch the fuckup mentality in my current choices and avoid it.

Education is what you get by reading the fine print.

Experience is what you get when you don't.

21 grams is lost, but what is gained?

Thursday, Feb. 12, 2004 - 11:09 p.m.

Had a long discussion with Beth, the ASD Supervisor at David's school. (ASD - Autistic Spectrum Disorder). She told me that he has been approved for 5 hours teacher aide a week which is great and we discussed strategies to make it easier for him to attend his ASD appt each week. This state (public) school is amazing! I always thought that David would go to private school like me but I could not ask for a more supportive environment.

Clare and I were talking today about David's "remarkable" dealings with the death of his father. We both agree that he is probably dormant, and it will all surface sometime in the future. We talked about it a little at dinner tonight. He asked me why he did it and I told him that I didn't know but that it was thought to be related to his breakup with Emma. I also told him that I had heard there was a suicide note but that I couldn't confirm it. It is really important to me that I tell him all that I know, giving a degree of certainty, so that he can never say I hid anything from him. I also explained to him that the rate of suicide amongst teenage boys with Aspergers is much higher in those without Aspergers and that I emphasised to him the importance that he needs to talk about his feelings and issues with me, or someone else. He told me he could only give me a 99.99% certainty that he wouldn't do it. This breaks my heart.

The legacy of suicide lives on far beyond the grave. I hate him for that.

21 grams and the rest

Thursday, Feb. 12, 2004 - 10:53 p.m.

Went to see 21 Grams today. It was bizarre? All about death, with three stories running in parallel which, of course, all end tied up somewhere in the middle. The weird thing was that they showed the ending first, and in the middle, and at the end with all the connecting bits (including the beginning) scattered between that. There was attempted hangings, shootings, kids getting hit by cars and too many messages to mention. Naomi Watts was good - can't say if she should win the Oscar as I haven't seen the other nominees.

I saw Steve today. Wasn't supposed to have sex with him because the whole "girlfriend" thing eats away at my sense of decency but unfortunately my need for sexual gratification overrides it. It was great! :)

Right Brain, Left Brain

Thursday, Feb. 12, 2004 - 10:39 p.m.

Things to do when you should be working:

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do about it.

50% okay

Tuesday, Feb. 10, 2004 - 9:11 a.m.

I am still planning my revenge on the lovely Jo Taylor. Several options have come to mind and I am satisfied with their revenge:illegal ratio.

I have a meeting this afternooon for the Mature Age Orientations next week. This meeting is at the other campus and there is no staff parking there which means a bus trip and it's all just so hard! *sobs* I like it when life is easy - get in the car, drive, park, go to meeting. Instead I have to - get in the car, drive, park, walk, catch bus, walk, go to meeting, walk, catch bus, walk, get into car, drive, get home. You must admit that is MUCH harder!

I am yawning heaps today. I went to bed early last night (11pm) and slept until 8am which is a ridiculous amount of sleep for a student/single mother! Granted, it wasn't solid sleep - I think it's the heat that is making me lethargic.

I was just thinking this morning about relationships. During my three years of singledom I have met many men (both reading online profiles and meeting in person) who are obviously married or in a serious relationship! Some of them actually state it in their profiles; others try unsuccessfully to hide it - "We're separating after Christmas; We're in the same house just for the kids; We've both decided to see other people; We have an open relationship".

I always say to my girlfriends - if they won't give you a home number after the third date, they're married.

How come there are so many people cheating in relationships?? I guess this is another reason why I enjoy being single. At least I don't have to worry about someone I love sneaking around pretending he's single. I'm sure this happens with women as well so this is not a club-a-man day bitch session, it's just an observation.

The other weird thing - single guys I meet talk as if they would love to be in a relationship. Sure this might just be a line to sleep with me, but I don't think it is. Single guys seem genuinely open to the possibility of having someone exclusively, forsaking others, and getting emotionally close to a woman. This is a small price to pay for regular sex ;)

Add the fact that I haven't heard back from "potential" since sending my photo :( and it looks like I'm destined to be single forever. I am 50% okay with this.

Cold Cuts

Saturday, Feb. 07, 2004 - 10:08 p.m.

Another boring entry I'm afraid... about my fridge of all things.

My fridge broke down about 4 days ago. I'm not one to whinge so I just organised a new one. It's nice to have cold water again.

I went to fix a computer today and made some cash-in-the-hand money which was great. David and I went to the 7-11 for mega slurpies and got takeaway for dinner. I had Subway which was just divine! I remember about 10 years ago a "sub" shop opened in Toowoomba but it never really took off - people couldn't grasp the concept of having a sandwich for dinner. Subway then hit ... I'm guessing about 6 years ago in Australia? .. and of course it's huge.

That's it I'm afraid.

Jo Taylor is a Fucking Whore

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 9:58 p.m.

For those of you without kids in school, you are yet to experience the "Attack of the School Snobs". There is a band of parents (usually Mothers, and that's not meant to be sexist - it's just the way it is) who congregate outside the school and gossip about the other parents. They are a bunch of bitches who should be sterilised so that they can't have any more offspring and terrorise future generations of kids and 'normal' parents.

I hate them! I hate them with a passion! Who the fuck are they to judge me, based on how I look, or the car I drive, or my marital status? If they knew I was a software programmer and that my parents teach at two of the most prestigious schools in Queensland (the state I live in) they would coo and gasp and seek my approval... but instead they sneer and gather closer on my approach.

If ever I was so inclined to mass murder, I would open fire with a gatling gun on their little groupings down at the pedestrian crossing. That would shut the fuckers up.

Where does all this come from you ask? Well remember I said I was taking David to Seaworld for his birthday? Well his best friend at school is Taylor, daughter of the leader of crossing snobs. She is a fat bitch (yes, fatter than me) who is married to a lovely guy who, according to her, can never do anything right. According to her, life is SO unfair.. poor me poor me.. I'm so hard done by. So anyway, I rang them asking if Taylor could come to Seaworld with us for David's birthday. I gave them 4 alternative dates (2 weekends) and I get a text message today saying "Sorry she can't go due to family commitments". You fucking whore! You just don't want your precious little princess to socialise with someone apparently beneath her! How dare you reject my child? I can tell you now - you have upset my son to the point of tears, and he is now asking "Why doesn't Taylor's Mum like me? Is it because I don't have a Dad?" I hate you Jo Taylor (yes, the surname is Taylor as well believe it or not...). I hope you are sad all your life and that nothing good happens to you ever again.

A woman scorned? Try scorning a Mother and see how you fair.

Consultants

Thursday, Feb. 05, 2004 - 10:57 p.m.

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes, Dior sunglasses and D+G tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd: "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulae.

He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer, turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep".

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man: "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says: "Okay, why not?". "You're a consultant," says the shepherd. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie. "But how did you guess that?" "No guessing required," answers the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked, and you know eff-all about my business... "Now give me back my dog."

Take My Quiz

Wednesday, Feb. 04, 2004 - 10:07 p.m.

I got this quiz from fluidlife who got it from trinity63!

I think the questions are really easy, but let's see how you go...

Take my Quiz!

Is Marriage A Joke?

Wednesday, Feb. 04, 2004 - 9:31 p.m.

I know this is a boring and unanswerable ponderance, but I need to discuss it regardless.

I was talking to David's teacher the other day. She was saying that in about 3 more weeks the class will be doing a unit on the family tree. She expressed concern with how David would handle that in light of his father's recent death.

She then said that when she ran this unit last year, 29 out of 34 students were from single parent homes! If asked prior to knowing, I would have guessed about 10. The good news I guess is that these 29 single parent families were about 50/50 between single mums and single dads. This was positive to hear as it appears as though fathers are finally getting recognition of their ability to be effective parents.

My bitch/ponderance/question relates to the concept of marriage. What the fuck is happening? Is it that we are no longer "wasting" our lives in unhealthy relationships? Or is it that media bombard us with a false sense of reality so that we are consequently unhappy with our lot in life, however good it may actually be?

This is a fascinating website on one American man's view of the concept of marriage. He talks about Why marriage used to work, but no longer works and it puts forward the notion of an annual contract of marriage. We have contracts for our house, car, job, creditcard... why not one for marriage? This way, each party would detail their expectations (sex, financial contributions, time allocation) and there would be the opportunity to either renew the contract or withdraw it on each anniversary.

Current marriage licences and certificates simply list names. Our vows are fairly wishy-washy and, considering the current legal climate, are full of loop holes!

The big spanner in this whole thing is that dastardly thing called love. Unfortunately, we have emotions which cloud our judgement. Thinking with the heart proves fatal when attempting to make sound and logical decisions.

Was life simpler when we just accepted our lot in life and got on with it? Or have we genuinely progressed as a society so that we now have so much freewill that our traditional family values and instilled beliefs on the sanctity of marriage no longer apply?

All the pomp and ceremony that is supposed to go with the proposal, wedding and marriage are now laughable! Everytime I see someone getting married, or hear someone is engaged my first thought is "How long will that last?"

I don't know if I'm a realist or a pessimist?

Word Puzzle

Wednesday, Feb. 04, 2004 - 9:19 p.m.

I've done these things so many times, and every single time I'm DETERMINED to get it right! No stupid word puzzle is going to better me, is it?

How many F's are there in this sentence?

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Click on the Previous Page to get the answer.