Life Goes On

My Best Friend

Sunday, Jan. 11, 2004 - 11:29 p.m.

Easy day today. David and I watched Blackadder episodes from Series 4 - the army one. We both really enjoyed it and it was great to get away from the Nintendo and internet. It is so important for him to watch shows which involve social interaction - in all it's forms. Sometimes I even sit down with him and watch Neighbours (an Australian soapie) because the exaggerated and setup interactions, body language and facial expressions really help him to learn to connect these things with emotion and socially acceptable behaviour.

For those of you who don't know, David is autistic. He has a high functioning autism called Aspergers Syndrome. In simple terms this means that he does not automatically understand social interaction, socially acceptable behaviour, body language, facial expressions, innotation, non-literal meanings. These things need to be taught, and rote-learned so that they can be 'generated' in times of need. He also has the usual autistic needs of routine, lack of change, repetition. With high functioning autism, you are more likely to notice that he is different the more you spend time with him as his condition is not obvious. If you only meet David briefly you may assume he's just shy or quiet. He does not make eye contact easily and will seldom talk to anyone he does not know well. As you spend more time with him, you will notice odd things that he says and does - "it's 2.34pm and something seconds", exact routine on conversations - "I love you". "I love you" .. "no.. you're supposed to say I love you TOO". Everytime you walk back into a room where he is, he will say "hello" in the same tone of voice. Everytime you sneeze he will say "bless you" (without fail!) and will get offended if you do not return the favour.

David was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in early 2002 after he was suspended from school for violence. This was partly attributed to his kidnapping, but the main reason was his frustration at not being understood and, unfortunately, using violence to express it. Since his diagnosis and Level 6 Ascertainment at school (the highest possible level) he has calmed down considerably and was even voted in as School Councillor for his class last year.

There are some benefits. He is extremely intelligent (as most autistic people are) and, probably a single mother's saviour, he has no problem in entertaining himself for hours on end. He wraps himself up in something (either a nintendo game, or searching the internet or a DVD or a book) and I will not hear from him for hours - only for food! As long as I keep a strict routine, plan everything in advance (using a calendar showing upcoming events) and warning him before any changes we somehow get through each day and wake up to face another.

The saddest part of it all is that he seems to carry the world on his shoulders, as though life is just too hard. I read somewhere that life with aspergers is like living with a static radio buzzing in your ear. Every waking moment of his life is planned, concentrated upon and managed but seldom enjoyed. David does not 'frolic' or just enjoy life - he tolerates life - and that is sad to watch. There is a higher rate of suicide amongst Aspergers teenage boys than non-aspergers teens, and that scares me. A psychic once told me that David is here solely to look after me. His purpose in life is to make sure that I make decisions that are good for me. We are so very close and he is undoubtedly my best friend.

More to Life

Saturday, Jan. 10, 2004 - 10:13 p.m.

I spend some online time in an irc room with some of the people from Uni. When I think about what I achieved last year I am often pleasantly proud of myself. I am a plain, overweight 30 something year old single mother doing a Uni degree which is great in itself BUT the real achievement from my perspective is that I have established a friendship / acquaintance group with 18 and 19 year olds, mainly male (given the nature of an IT degree). Most of them accept me, talk to me, laugh at my jokes, consider my opinion. I am personally awed by the youth of today. These young people that I study with are focused - most of them don't do drugs, or get drunk (there is one notable exception! You know who you are!) or believe in casual sex. Granted, most of those in the irc room are complete geeks and talk about little other than their machines, their LAN parties and the latest Invader Zim episodes but they are still so interesting, grounded, and sensible! It makes me a little less scared of the future for my 10 year old.

Secret Garden

Saturday, Jan. 10, 2004 - 12:44 a.m.

SECRET GARDEN

She'll let you in her house

If you come knockin' late at night

She'll let you in her mouth

If the words you say are right

If you pay the price

She'll let you deep inside

But there's a secret garden she hides

She'll let you in her car

To go drivin' round

She'll let you into the parts of herself

That'll bring you down

She'll let you in her heart

If you got a hammer and a vise

But into her secret garden, don't think twice

You've gone a million miles

How far'd you get

To that place where you can't remember

And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path

There'll be tenderness in the air

She'll let you come just far enough

So you know she's really there

She'll look at you and smile

And her eyes will say

She's got a secret garden

Where everything you want

Where everything you need

Will always stay

A million miles away

Bruce Springsteen - from Jerry Maguire

Music, Movies and Irritations

Saturday, Jan. 10, 2004 - 12:27 a.m.

"Rage is on which is uninterrupted video hits for nearly 12 hours every Friday and Saturday night. This might not sound amazing to those of you with more than four channels but it's great for me. I work so much better when Rage is on - my computer faces the TV so it's far more exciting than being told I need an adomeniser.

David and I watched Jerry Maguire tonight. I've seen it three times but I still love it. It does have many logical flaws - most importantly being that you should never go from one relationship straight to another. My friend Rob says to me "I've been single for four years! No-one likes that!" I disagree. I believe it takes a minimum of three years to get over a serious relationship or a marriage - regardless of how good or bad it was, or who initiated the split. I'm not talking about fucking - hey I can do that anytime. I'm talking about opening up, trusting, believing that it can happen. That takes time. When I meet potential singles, the time they have been separated is important to me and I would not consider dating anyone who had been single for less than 2 years, and even then three would be better.

It's weird how my life has changed since Wayne died. The TV (with Rage on) just went all blurry - no reception whatsoever. If he were alive I would freak out completely, believing that he was on my roof, had disconnected the aerial and was about to break in. Now the first thought that comes into my mind is "Station's having trouble - if it doesn't clear up soon I will change to Letterman".

I love this song! 12:51 - THE STROKES

Do you ever wonder what you do that annoys other people? Some people have habits that drive me nuts, yet I seldom see irritations in myself (maybe I'm perfect ;)). I think I realised one today when I was talking to Clare. I mentioned the fact that I will probably inherit quite well when my parents die, and this is a comforting thought that my old age will likely be comfortable. I don't mean to mention it often but I probably do. Clare told me that, being one of 10 children and without a father since age 8 it is unlikely that she will inherit much when her mother dies. She is understandably concerned about her old age. I guess I should try not to mention my good fortune quite so much.

Let's Talk About the Weather

Thursday, Jan. 08, 2004 - 2:06 p.m.

Yuck! It is 37 degrees Celsius (98 F) and I don't have air conditioning! It's almost worth driving back to Toowoomba and tolerating my Mother for a week just so that I can live in air conditioning. I know that Brisbane is supposed to be hot, and I know that February is notoriously worse, but it still doesn't make me feel better. I have to slob around the house in a sarong with my hair tied up - just as well I don't have a partner because I look disgusting and it's too hot for sex (like I have thousands of offers at the moment... ).

Steve

Thursday, Jan. 08, 2004 - 1:38 p.m.

So Steve rang me today. It was great to hear his voice again and update him on my Christmas, house-sitting and camping trip. We exchanged a couple of emails while we were away and they were very positive. He meets my three basic criteria for a partner and I haven't met anyone who does for a long time.

Fortnight of News

Wednesday, Jan. 07, 2004 - 10:23 p.m.

I know you all missed me terribly so here goes - a fortnight or so update.

House Sitting

After Christmas I spent a week house sitting my parents place in Toowoomba. They own a five bedroom Queenslander which is over a hundred years old. It needs a lot of work but has amazing character with 12 foot ceilings, 3 side verandah, large yard and some polished floors. Add to that the recently installed air conditioner and you have the makings of a perfectly comfortable house-sitting experience. My parents have 5 televisions with remote control! This might seem a bizarre feature to mention, but David and I have an old TV (with the wooden veneer) without remote control so that was a luxury. :)

The only problem with the house is that it doesn't have deadlocks or bars on most of the windows plus four doors so I was a little scared at night. They have been broken into twice so David and I slept in the same room with a door stop under the door and all the windows closed. I would never even consider house sitting their place when Wayne was alive - he had a knack of getting into a place without a sound (as his jail term confirms). That's one of the many reasons I chose my current flat - it's a little small but has full security and since I installed the alarms I feel completely safe at all times (even though the Wayne factor is no longer an issue).

Will

Before my parents went away and left me to housesit, Mum told me that I'm back in their Will. When I first married Wayne they removed me from it and left my inheritance to the RSPCA. When I left Wayne, they changed it again leaving it all to my brother with instructions to him to give me whatever he deemed safe from Wayne's access. Now that he is dead they have reinstated me as a 50% share. It just proves that they never really trusted that I could stand up to him. I can understand how they thought this, but it still disappoints me.

CSA

I rang Centrelink the other day (our Welfare service) to find out if my payments are still being affected by the amount of child support I was supposedly getting from Wayne. I rang them after he died to let them know. Centrelink informed me that the reassessment had come through - YAY - except now he's listed as paying me $130 a month. If they thought it was hard getting money out of him before??? *sigh* gotta love government efficiency.

Yvonne

Whilst in Toowoomba I caught up with a friend that I haven't seen for about 8 years. Wayne and I were good friends with her and her now husband. She hasn't met David since he was under 1yo so that was great for her. We had a few issues to work out, as she had seen Wayne about a year ago and he had tried to tell her some untruths which I cleared up. It was great to see her again and see her happy in the life that she has created for herself.

Camping

We've just returned from a camping trip for four days at Hervey Bay with a friend of mine (Clare) and her two boys. Most of Australia is in drought at the moment so at no stage did we ever believe it would rain. Well... it did. For four solid days it rained and rained. Add to this the stresses of living in a confined space with another family and you have the makings of an unforgettable holiday. The park itself was great - had a pool, table tennis, camp kitchen etc and was run by a lovely South African couple who have recently emigrated. The beach was nice too - flat with solid sand and only a few rocks. There were no waves but what do you expect in a bay with Fraser Island off the coast?

Well that's about it. If I remember anything else I will post otherwise it will be back to business with random musings and boring anecdotes.

One Horse Town Internet

Thursday, Jan. 01, 2004 - 3:44 p.m.

Well I'm writing to you from Toowoomba, a smallish country town about 1.5 hours drive from home. This is where my parents live and where I have been stuck since 20 December. Christmas was surprisingly bareable. It was also enlightening as this is the most time I have spent with my family in nearly 10 years. I have become acutely aware of how old they have become - stuck in their ways, obsessed with TV program routine, and getting annoyed by little things such as which bathroom mat I use when I shower. Sigh.

I look forward to returning home and then going camping with Clare and her boys - away from the judgemental eyes of parents who have an opinion on everything I say and do. They seldom actually say anything - but then they don't have to. It's the look and the sigh which speaks volumes.

I won't be back until 07 January provided we stay the full three days at the camping ground which I think we will.

Until then .. be good, be happy, Happy New Year!

All and nothing

Friday, Dec. 19, 2003 - 1:13 a.m.

All boring stuff today I'm afraid.

Was invited to go back to work for LCC after seeing them all at the Xmas Party but then the temp agency rang back and very rudely informed me that since I couldn't work 05 Jan and 06 Jan that I missed out on the whole contract. I actually wasn't disappointed because it was causing me angst with travelling, David, Centrelink etc - it was just the fact that the stupid bitch from the temp agency was so rude to me! I'm doing them a favour by earning $10 an hour profit for them while they sit on their arses.

So I'm going camping 03 Jan to 06 Jan with Clare and her boys. I am really conscious of taking over and making a nuisance of myself so I'm trying to chill and not get too excited about it.

I am housesitting for Mum and Dad 29 Dec to 02 Jan which will be awesome because they won't be there and it will just be David and I in a 5 bedroom, 100+ year old house with air conditioning, large verandah, fridge full of food, 5 tvs, brand new laptop, bbq and a large garden to kick a ball in. It will be a small taste of what's to come when I finish my degree and get a real job. If I do the right thing now then when they go around the world for long service in 2005 I might be able to do it again.

Had a session at group today talking about dealing with family at holiday time, especially Christmas, and being the Humbug Grinch that I am it was great to participate in the workshop. Of course my insecurities about talking too much and babbling on came through again but I just have to fight that inner critic and know that most people at group (particularly the facilitators) will flag for me if I'm raving on. One of the joys of having a journal I guess - every reader makes their own decision regarding the amount of reading they do.

I have been invited to participate in the first years Orientation Day which is cool. It is a paid position and involves taking the new first years next year around the faculty and helping them with logging in, browsing the uni website and giving them a tour of the campus. I have offered to do both CA and GP campuses. I was really pleased because I missed the initial meeting due to Wayne's death.

Today marks ONE MONTH anniversary of Wayne's death. When will I stop thinking about it every day?

Told you it was boring stuff.